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Cupid's Dance(Brad Please Read)
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Cupid's Dance(Brad Please Read) |
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Romy Senior Member
since 2000-05-28
Posts 1170Plantation, Florida |
Hi Brad, I read this reply from you in the philosophy forum; "Concrete imagery is still one of the building blocks of strong poetry. I also agree that people can read different interpretations into what you (or I) write. I just wish more people would try it. This can be a fascinating process and one that moves us in amazing directions." I know I don't post here often, but I hope that you will take a look at a poem that I've been working on. I tried very hard to go beneath the surface and add a second layer. I know it may be a little abstract but can you read the message there? Tell me please. When you walked in on the night of the festival, the elders were holding council in the hallway, solemn and vigilant in their duties, as they whispered in their native tongue. With every unexpected white flash, they collected the souls of each self-conscious couple, before granting their passage through the gymnasium door. Inside, a tribe of pimply-faced boys, sprouting from worn out church jackets, were rooted in their heavy boots, near a line of girls in pink and red chiffon, pasted like paper valentines along the wall. Though we’d never met, your blue eyes claimed me, and your brilliant smile, like an offering to the gods, was the one I’ve always dreamed of. Static hidden in the folds of my dress, shot a cascade of black pearls out onto the dance floor, and I nested in your soft hair and imagined they were kisses. We buckled and swayed to an ancient waltz, breathless, two hearts beating like ritual drums, keeping time with grim determination Our youth condemned us as strangers, to this primitive custom, but the pulse of the music became our mantra, and instinctively we understood every word. Laughing foolishly with each misstep we clung tightly to one another, and allowed our youthful spirit to dance on, in perfect rhythm to an age-old ballad that only we could hear. . |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
Quick note: I have an interpretation and, perhaps, a direction you want to consider. I don't have the time right now to explain it. However, and I nested in your soft hair Is a line that I think doesn't work. Brad |
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Romy Senior Member
since 2000-05-28
Posts 1170Plantation, Florida |
Thanks Brad, I don't think that word belongs there either and I believe there may be a couple more! I'll be awaiting the rest of your interpretation and critique! |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
Before I begin I want to say that I'm not looking for the message but offering an interpretation based on the words you used. That is, I'm not so much interested in solving riddles as I am in offering possibilities.  For the most part, I think the poem is interesting even though some of the diction seems a bit, well, overused. As I read it, I see two types of people: the "elders" and the "youth" (teenagers) and two images spliced together: one is an American junior high school dance (or early high school set probably in the 1950's -- the traditional image of this type of dance). Another is the use of tribal, aboriginal images to create a sense of displacement at the same time. The trick then is to figure out which are 'literal' and which are 'metaphorical'. With "blue eyes" and "ancient waltz", you seem pretty much stuck in America although it's possible you were shooting for Nordic tribes (but that doesn't work for me). In other words, we have a poem about a typical high school dance controlled by parents or teachers who whisper what appears to be a foreign language ("native tongue"), who watch and stifle ("collected the souls") youth. As a result, both the boys who become trees and the girls who become paper Valentines are objectified, dehumanized at precisely the point, at precisely the ceremony, where their humanity should be everywhere apparent -- adolescence, social interactions, first crushes and so forth. They can't be themselves. What's interesting here is that both the boys and girls become forms of wood (trees and paper); I like this. As the poem continues, I felt a certain opression created by the elders that in some way must be broken through. This occurs through looking at each other (Romeo and Juliet style), through making mistakes, and through dancing in an instinctive way. Thus, within the confines of the oppression, the youth fines a certain freedom by forgetting the custom, forgetting the elders, and locking onto each other in step. In a way, it's a poem of egalitarian values versus hierarchical ones. But not quite. For me, the irony lies in the fact that the elders' intentions are never expressed. It feels oppressive at first but we don't know if what happens at the dance isn't exactly what the elders themselves intended -- what seems to be transcendence may in fact be submission. My suggestion would be to switch the metaphorical for the literal and the literal for the metaphorical. Make this poem about a dance in Tahiti or Africa, turn the elders into Church elders ("native tongue" becomes literal), make the "white flash" (camera), from a certain cultural point of view, take the souls of a native. Admittedly, I'm not sure which cultures believe that cameras steal souls so you might want to do some research there. The dance, then, doesn't become a waltz, but a tribal dance or something that unsettles the elders who, of course, want to Christianize (or even worse Westernize) the 'heathen'. The 'nesting' line doesn't work here because a nest often implies comfort or security and I don't relate that to what's happening in the poem. It's also a very strange image if you think about it. The "Black Pearls" line is brilliant in that it can be taken literally and metaphorically. In opera "black pearls" is a phrase for mistakes, gaffes, off notes and so forth. This adds a lot of depth to the poem. At a certain level, you seem to be talking about a kind of universality: the high school dance is the same as a tribal ritual. I believe this to be true but it might be heightened a bit more by reversing the emphasis -- a tribal ritual is the same thing as a high school dance. Just an opinion, Brad |
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Romy Senior Member
since 2000-05-28
Posts 1170Plantation, Florida |
Brad, Thank-you you so much for your reply. I can’t put into words how much it means to me to have somebody "really" look at one of my poems. I have felt for a long time now, that I wasn’t taking my writing in the direction that I really wanted to go. I know that I am still in the infant stage, but I somehow feel that this poem is the turning point for me. I was surprised that your analysis was so close to what I had intended! I was afraid that you wouldn’t catch the "black pearls" line or that anybody would. I guess it was more transparent than I thought! I agree, a lot of my poetry suffers from overused diction and it is something that I will continue to work on. I would like to try your suggestion and switch the metaphorical for the literal and the literal for the metaphorical. The end result may be a pleasant surprise! Thank you again, Debbie One other thing, Black Pearls are found in Tahiti and elsewhere in Polynesia. |
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