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Soft Light
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Soft Light |
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WinterTalon Member
since 2001-01-14
Posts 141Brooksville, KY, USA |
Soft golden light eclipses the earth, It's beauty radiating with life. Soft lilting laughter of joy and of mirth Carries away all our strife. Soft gentle touches feather the skin, Their feel like none other before. Soft spoken whispers battle within. Yet, of a dark nature no more. Soft crystal eyes watch lovingly now, Their depths just as deep as the sea. Soft joyful voices sing cheerfully how Love is existing in me. < !signature--> ~The hardest thing is watching the one you love... love someone else.~ [This message has been edited by PoeticEnchantress (edited 01-15-2001).] |
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J.L. Humphres Member
since 2000-01-03
Posts 201Alabama |
Enchantress, I stumbled a little with this one. You start out the poem talking about the earth and using the word "our" and that's okay but the next two stanzas take on a personal feel. Also, is this about the love of a fellow human or the love of a higher god-like being? Either way I like the idea, if you could possibly re-word the first stanza or maybe write a transitional stanza I think it would help make the poem sound more like a personal experience. JMHO. J.L.H.< !signature--> Jason God is a warm whisper from the cool void. Jack Kerouac [This message has been edited by J.L. Humphres (edited 01-16-2001).] |
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Pearls_Of_Wisdom Member
since 2000-09-02
Posts 175 |
I liked this one. I thought the tone throughout helped unify the poem, and I liked that you started each stanza in a similar yet somewhat modifyed way. I too was a bit confused about the meaning. Are you talking about love coming in from someone else ("Soft gentle touches feather the skin") or love coming from inside the speaker ("Love is existing in me")? Maybe both? In that case, at the same time or one before the other? It seems to have a different meaning for me depending on that. By the way, in the second line, you want the word "Its" not "It's" (meaning it is), but that's a minor and very common mistake to make, so don't worry. =) I got a little confused at this part: "Soft spoken whispers battle within / Yet, of a dark nature no more." I finally thought that maybe you're talking about those nagging self-deprecating voices inside everyone's head. I thought you meant that now the voices are supportive because you are acting loving towards yourself for once, but then I didn't understand how the voices were still battling if they've become encouraging. Maybe I just interpreted it weirdly and you didn't mean that. If you change just a word or two, maybe it would be clearer, but that's up to you. My favorite lines were the last two - I can definitely relate to that feeling of liberation that comes from actually liking who you are and knowing that you're a worthwhile and beautiful person. Nice work! Ashley [This message has been edited by Pearls_Of_Wisdom (edited 01-20-2001).] |
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WinterTalon Member
since 2001-01-14
Posts 141Brooksville, KY, USA |
Thank you both for taking the time to read this. It actually was my first and only somewhat "lighter" poem. It was supposed to express confusion to the reader. I was confused when I wrote it. Who wouldn't be when they felt like their entire life just changed and they felt so differently within? The love I speak of is both, naturally. Kinda like a parallel or something. In poetry, one phrase could mean so many things. I prefer to let the reader let the poem mean whatever they think it does. Poems come from within and don't care for structure or clarity. They simply ARE. And Ash, I meant it as "It is beauty radiating with life" not as "Its beauty radiating with life". In all actuality, it could mean either, as I previously stated. Again, the "confuzzlement".  ~The hardest thing is watching the one you love... love someone else.~ |
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lucky Senior Member
since 2000-01-17
Posts 1601Idaho |
Faerytale, Enchantress dreaming of castles and naiads filling thoughts with faery’s wishing dreams could all come true seeking love within faith toiling a way through hearts writing many a time with words lighter than air reading such tender scripts of castles and noble sights and such opened up a weathered heart listening to the faery’s and rebuilding shattered faithless hearts proving love was real or not, if only in dreams yet it was hard to imagine a love real enough but did by chance find comfort and safety in such idioms and by and by rebuilt a faith saying nights and reality could be better true than faery dreams and lonely daz if only I could give this heart truant... so offering up a fragile organ to a love that’s surely not stood lone to believe in faery elements minced within a blue writing of love in eloquent dialogues fighting fears in the courage of nights and never once betraying believing faith learned early the difference between belief and assumption which comes from an honest spirit soon realized being an honest dreamer meant not only being heroic but also true and that anyone can say the idioms but not everyone believes in faery's not maybe even you. dale ~ |
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WinterTalon Member
since 2001-01-14
Posts 141Brooksville, KY, USA |
*Hugz to dale* Awww! ~The hardest thing is watching the one you love... love someone else.~ |
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Pearls_Of_Wisdom Member
since 2000-09-02
Posts 175 |
Enchantress, Oops! Sorry! That's cool if you leave it as ambiguous. I'm all for poets sticking to their guns! =) [This message has been edited by Pearls_Of_Wisdom (edited 01-21-2001).] |
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