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The Lonely Poet
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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The Lonely Poet |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
The Lonely Poet The lonely poet writes of love and dreams Of her although she'll never be his own; His love, the goddess he adores, it seems Has left him with his fantasy alone. He paints his scrolls in tears with every word He writes now since his lonely heart was broken By their parting, thus his thoughts are blurred With images of wishes left unspoken. Never will he yield, but persevere Instead to serve his self-inflicted curse, Romanticize and to his charge adhere, Immersed in forging thoughts of her in verse. With passion still the lonely poet writes Of love and dreams of her on lonely nights. Pete Imagination is more important than knowledge Albert Einstein |
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| © Copyright 2001 Pete Rawlings - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Lerk Junior Member
since 2000-11-17
Posts 49Dayton, OH USA |
My macro impression is that here is a poem that is supposed to be delving deep into the emotions of the pain of the poet, but is told in third person in very formal and structured language, as if the poet is afraid to touch their own emotions and instead must frame them with inert words to keep them from hurting him. This might have been intentional or unintentional on your part. I would say if it was intentional, I would even push that further in the poem. If unintentional, then you've just received free therapy.  |
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
Pete, Beautiful sonnet, as usual...in your traditional form (which BTW, Lerk, is usually written in this seemingly more distant manner). The goddess has been at it again, I see... What are the extra feet in the sixth and eighth lines called? Remember, I am an infant when it comes to traditional poetic terms. A break from iambic pentameter...such trangression! LOL I liked it very much, though...it only added to the sonnet. Very well done, my friend, Kris All change in history, all advance, comes from the nonconformist. If there had been no troublemakers, no dissenters, we would still be living in caves |
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Skyfyre Senior Member
since 1999-08-15
Posts 1906Sitting in Michael's Lap |
Hi Pete - Happy New Year! This is a neatly done little sonnet; the iambs are in good order, and even the extra feminines on six and eight added to the texture overall. The only "oopsie" I noticed in the meter was the lack of a tenth (or first, as you will) syllable in line 10 -- and NO, those two extras earlier on do NOT make up for it!  The second thing I noticed after I basked in the glow of an almost-perfect sonnet was that I was almost out of breath after reading it (and no, it's not because I'm getting old and am out of shape, thank you!). Punctuation, please..? It became a little confusing, especially in the first two lines: The lonely poet writes of love and dreams OK, so the poet writes of love and dreams, right..? Of her although she'll never be his own; WHOA! Where did that "of" come from..? Oh, you mean the poet writes of love and dreams of her ... well, why didn't you say so...?  The way I read it, after I realized what you were saying, was: "The lonely poet writes of love, and dreams Of her, although she'll never be his own;" Just a thought -- and not necessarily a correct one ... hehe. Loved the read Pete, thanks. --Linda Remember: maintaining a positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will certainly annoy enough people to make it worth the effort. |
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kcsgrandma Senior Member
since 2000-09-24
Posts 1522Presque Isle, ME |
I enjoyed this, and find the meter works very well for me, although I do agree with Linda about the comma (or lack thereof) in the first line. I don't read this quite the way Lerk does, though. As I see it, the lonely poet is making the choice to be lonely because to go out and find someone new would ruin the romantic fantasy he has built up for himself about his lost love. I rather think I've encountered this character before. In any case, I would be interested in knowing how you intended this to be understood.To love another person is to see the face of God. - Les Miserables Marilyn |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Lerk, Thanks for responding. As you point out, the poem is written in third person. Therefore, it is simply describing some unnamed poet (I think) although my interpretation is probably not important, certainly no more so than yours. Of course, one might surmise that the poet was describing his own condition, which could also be legitimate. Anyway, to delve deeper into the emotional state I think is not practical in a sonnet due to its length constraints. I don't think the language was intended to avoid hurting the poet (either the writer or the written of) but was just what came to mind while writing. This poem, BTW, is sort of a follow up to some previous efforts, "The Piano Player" and "The Poet Speaks" and I hope to add more eventually. Kris, Thanks for the complement but as usual, you are much too generous. BTW, thanks for defending my language. Well, you got me there. I guess it could be argued that this is also an extension of the Goddess series Also you are much too modest but those extra syllables at the end of the lines are called feminine endings. Did you notice, BTW, that the following lines are shorted the beginning syllable to sort of make up for that? Linda, Thank you for such a thorough critique. But methinks you are also too generous. Now to address your suggestions. The missing first syllable, I assume you meant line 9 rather than 10. I believe this is what Jim called an anacrusis or something like that. It also happens on line 7. Both immediately follwoing the feminine endings. I thought this was okay although I knew some others might not. Just a personal choice here. On the pucntuation, you are absolutely right as usual, at least in identifying a problem. I knew all along that it was awkward but honestly just wasn't sure how to correct it. Grammatically I just couldn't justify a comma in there although it was needed poetically. I see that I made the wrong choice. I should have gone with the poetic license and made it read better. It seems to be a pedantic undercurrent problem Again, thanks so much for your help. I'll take care of it now. Marilyn, Haven't heard from you in a while. It's good to have you back and thanks for the comments. That's another interesting interpretation you have come up with, self-inflicted loneliness, hmmmmmm. Well, I suppose that's just as valid as any other. I suppose I do have an interpretation but I don't believe that how I intended it to be understood is really an important consideration. Instead I think I prefer for you and any other readers to take from it what they will. Thanks all for you kind comments. Pete |
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Lerk Junior Member
since 2000-11-17
Posts 49Dayton, OH USA |
I offer my sincere apologies for being too unqualified to comment on the poetry here. For what its worth, I enjoyed this one and others I've been priveleged enough to comment on. Keep up the good work! I'm a graphic artist by profession, and poems are just a hobby with me, nothing I've ever studied in depth. Poetry is art, however. If only artists as talented as the author of the piece can respond, it does make for a tiny audience. |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Hi Lerk, Absolutely no need for you to apologize. Your opinion is very much valued. I am certainly no expert and I feel confident that no one else here will claim to be expert either. As I have said many times before, there are a few whose writing I very much admire and respect. But I value any and all constructive opinions. If I seemed to negatively respond to your comment then it is I who must apologize. I did not in any way mean to do so. If I did then it was just my ineptness rather than my intent. So, please do continue to express your impressions as all impressions and interpretations are important. That is the only means by which we can learn what works and what doesn't and thereby improve our own abilities. Thanks for your help. Pete |
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YeshuJah Malikk Member
since 2000-06-29
Posts 263 |
Pete, in reading this I immidiately identified with Lerk's first comments on the poem. The mechanics may be fine, but I think the possibilities of the poem are sacrificed to those mechanics. The title, if those are meant to mean anything, leads the reader to promptly look for the voice of the lonely poet.. Instead what is voiced is an explanation that reads stiffly if anything. I do believe it possible to expose, perhaps an aspect, of the 'lonely poet's voice' within the constraints of the sonnet, which perhaps would have been more telling. Maybe a change of title? Just IMO. |
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Lerk Junior Member
since 2000-11-17
Posts 49Dayton, OH USA |
thanks, YeshuJah stated what I was thinking better than I did. And, I was being overlysensitive to a variety of posters. I'm aware of what a sonnet is, but when I think of loneliness I feel it as a raw emotion, almost primal in its ferocity...the desperately missing completion, the angry howl at emptiness. Therefore I felt the structure of the poem interposed a rigid gauze between me and that power. I could glimpse it dimly but could not touch it. hence my comments. But its' only an impression on a macro level, irregardless of how well its crafted, which is very well. |
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Skyfyre Senior Member
since 1999-08-15
Posts 1906Sitting in Michael's Lap |
Well, Pete, I have to admit that I didn't notice the pattern with the missing syllable in the line following the feminine ... and even had I noticed, I've never heard of that particular variation on IP. So sue me -- I DON'T know everything (which I'm sure comes as a surprise to most of you). LOL Still liked this one beddy beddy much. --Linda |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Yesh, Thanks for commenting. I appreciate your input and I'm sure you are right about it being possible to better expose the inner feeling of this poem within the bounds of the sonnet. I must sadly report that although it may actually be possible, I simply don't have the talent, at least not yet. Maybe if I stay around CA long enough? About the title though, I understand how you came to expect to hear the poet's personal voice but I think the same title could equally well lead up to a description of that poet. I don't know, maybe and maybe not. Lerk, It seems that you are really saying about the same thing as Yesh. So please see my discussion with him. And thanks very much for taking the time to read and respond, more than once even Well, sorry to disappoint, even a little. Maybe next time?Linda, First, who said you don't know everything. Show me that SOB and we'll have a little discussion  It is true, however, that I certainly don't know everything. So, I can't give any assurance that what I did was a valid variation. But, I've written so darn many of these IP things that a variation just seemed appropriate, valid or not Maybe our learned friend jbouder will find time to help us out a bit here. Anyway, I'm really pleased that you did enjoy. Thanks so much for your advice here. Pete [This message has been edited by Not A Poet (edited 01-05-2001).] |
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M'Hal Junior Member
since 2001-01-04
Posts 15 |
pete- Although I hold a loathing for love poetry, I enjoyed reading your poem. It came at me from an angle I could respect. You've probably tired of hearing this, but I think the suggested punctuation at the beginning and end would add immensly to your words. M'Hal |
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