»
Archives
»
Critical Analysis #1
»
The ubiquitous "submit" button
| Critical Analysis #1 |
|
The ubiquitous "submit" button |
|
|
Lerk Junior Member
since 2000-11-17
Posts 49Dayton, OH USA |
The ubiquitous "submit" button by Lerk In fear and trepidation, I cringe at each window fly the web is not a happy place but servile hell without a face No matter if I order stuff or answer questions in a huff come joyous, sad or apathetic I vow right now to be ascetic So listen close, I tell no lies independent thought, now realize quite soon will just evaporate and leave us all as automates The proof of plot so dark, insidious the little toggle, god, it's hideous that just to respond upon the net, I've no choice, can't around it get. Who are these fiends that ask of me the last shred of my weak dignity That harsh command the button sets and orders souls like me "submit" Submit to what?, I beg and plead surely the web itself has no need of lives as dreary, grey as mine of someone so bereft of time. What religion this, it's so perverse the empty aether grinds its curse and forces mice and men comply stealing them of alibi "Submit" and "resubmit" again does this torture have no end? the only worse, I give up ghost pillored am I against the "post" --------------- NOTE: My style of poetry is somewhat whimsical and usually involves rhyming and broken rhythms. If you want to point that out, that's cool, but wanted you to know that I'm aware that some consider that a flaw. I'm posting this first, to make you laugh, and because it's only fair if I'm critiquing other's poems that they know I have absolutely no qualifications to do so!  |
||
| © Copyright 2000 John Hancock - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Hi Lerk, Whimsical it is, and cute too. Welcome to CA, it's good to hear a new voice from time to time. As far as qualifications to critique, I think you will find that almost no one here really has such qualifications, but that doesn't stop us from doing so  Pete Imagination is more important than knowledge Albert Einstein |
||
|
Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
Great title and nice play here. Your rhythm, for the most part, is fine -- it's the grammar that needs cleaning up. For people who know me -- the couplets are okay here; it fits the tone of the poem (although I would have preferred pentameter) I enjoyed this and it's nice to see someone coming in here to critique and not just be critiqued. Just an opinion, Brad |
||
|
Lerk Junior Member
since 2000-11-17
Posts 49Dayton, OH USA |
thanks, guys! could you be more specific which lines need grammar help? thanks. |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
