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Critical Analysis #1
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| Critical Analysis #1 |
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untitled piece |
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aurora rain Member
since 2000-11-15
Posts 90 |
You sit and I row back the years, flipping them like the pages from last week’s precursory statements. And there is nothing left from sixteen onwards as I repulse the love from underneath and the curtain flies to the right, a haphazardly-broken ideal embraced in the fancy of a new day and the purity of half-struck light. And as you become less ordinate I find the detail in your lies remarkable, the beauty of them somewhat hard to believe. I cry (and I rush to the territorial, and I rush to the proverbial, and I rush rush into your arms because nowhere else is not far from here) And then, there, the milk dominates the sideways-turning fury of your need for reassurance, and your need for purifiance your need for closure and clarity bound halfway through the pages. I know your subtlety relies on perspicacity, and something I cannot give. I lie to the minister sometimes, and I lie to the priest, and I sing your sway, sometimes, the sublimity surreal. And I’d give away the summer solstice to flip back to page fourteen where I could forgive. I’d let the logic float away back to November so I could sing you to sleep for the last time, in yellow-spun rhyme and let you shut the back door and hear the shatter-pierce of glass light the fire at noon in the hopes I could remember. I do (and I sell the gown you gave me for two candles; autumn rain, and a little box to hold the letters in) |
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| © Copyright 2000 aurora rain - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Irish Rose Member Patricius
since 2000-04-06
Posts 10263 |
I can't believe no one responded to it, would you please e-mail me about posting this in the Digital Newsletter. I'll e-mail YOU. Thank you! "If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day, so I never have to live without you." Winnie the Pooh |
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Irish Rose Member Patricius
since 2000-04-06
Posts 10263 |
oh, you don't have an e-mail listed, please let me know, my e-mail is indy31_99@yahoo.com or you can reach me with my icq number....this is beautiful "If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day, so I never have to live without you." Winnie the Pooh |
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Skyfyre Senior Member
since 1999-08-15
Posts 1906Sitting in Michael's Lap |
The only thing I could find that is 'technically' wrong with this piece is the use of 'and' to start many of the lines ... but as I live in a glass house in that respect, I shall not throw that stone ... LOL It was perfect, compelling. I loved it. (reminds me of someone I've read before, though I can't imagine who)  --Linda Remember: maintaining a positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will certainly annoy enough people to make it worth the effort. |
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aurora rain Member
since 2000-11-15
Posts 90 |
irish rose, i've emailed you.  it's strange....no-one replies to things i write. maybe because i'm still "new"? |
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Irish Rose Member Patricius
since 2000-04-06
Posts 10263 |
I WILL give you a critique, Autora, but I wanted to post this with an article I'm doing for the Digital Passions Newsletter for the Valentine's Day edition. You can read the Newsletter online. Just say yes, or no and I will be back to critique this, I loved the theme, but it does need some work!!! "If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day, so I never have to live without you." Winnie the Pooh |
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aurora rain Member
since 2000-11-15
Posts 90 |
yes, you may put it in the digital magazine. |
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