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Critical Analysis #1
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New Horizons
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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New Horizons |
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Robin Junior Member
since 1999-08-07
Posts 48Cardiff, Wales, UK |
New Horizons Through tempests strong and days of calm Always pointing to the distant line Where the grey of sky meets Steely dark sea. Each day the horizon is as far away As the day it was before. The morning’s dawn spreads blood across the line In a warning of new lands to find While evening red burns the past away And fades the mind to black Chilling the soul with cooling night But Lo, a change from the daily routine When this morning the farscape is broken. Jagged teeth rising anew with promise, An unknown future And a sign of changes to come, City or mountain or wide desert land. I lean at the tiller and turn us away Seeking once more the freedom of choice, A choice I know I’ll never make. |
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| © Copyright 2000 Robin - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Janie Member
since 2000-08-13
Posts 158 |
Robin, I think you have a creative idea going here. An different perspective on an age old topic. With free verse, all is just an oppinion (not just free verse I guess) but especially with free verse. I guess for me this seemed too ordinary, too much like prose. Other than that I don't have any true suggestions for you. Maybe someone else will come in here and add something. The only other thing I can really give you is just a revision I did as I was playing with your piece to see how I would have done it differently. I'm not saying my way is better but just thought you might like to see a dif. perspective. Janie Through tempests strong and days of calm endless, point to distant line where grey of sky meets steely sea where days that came before remain; horizon's reach, afar Crossing the line, the bloody dawn, warns of lands still left to find; the past is burned by evening red then fades the mind to black which chills the soul in sunless night. But Lo, a change from daily drills, morning finds the farscape cracked; jagged teeth renewed with promise, unknowing of what havoc brings and signs of future yet to come, -city, mountain, desert or sea? Leaning upon the sturdy tiller, Once again I turn away Looking, more, for freedom's choice, A choice I know I’ll never make. |
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mysticharm Member
since 2000-06-08
Posts 189Canada |
hi robin i wake up every morning looking at the ocean & i have to admit i've never looked at the horizon in this way but that could be exactly why i like where you've taken this lol although my favorite way is still with a hot cup of coffee  thanks for the read debbie debbie Think of saying "I Love You" as always being overdue. Love is a gift, not an obligation. unknown |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
You have some interesting images here but I found it hard to read because I didn't see anything really unite the poem until the last stanza: I lean at the tiller and turn us away Seeking once more the freedom of choice, A choice I know I'll never make. Why not put this line on top and see what happens? Just an idea, Brad |
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