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Hanging In The Halls
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Hanging In The Halls |
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Marq Member
since 1999-10-18
Posts 222 |
The clunk of heels in a hollow museum. I came here to follow where the crowds form. All this hard work hanging on the walls but no one to watch me watch. My thoughts echo through the hollow halls. Having spent much time lost in the logic of lawn games, I now find myself drawn to this secret spaciousness and the hanging hard work that insinuates itself.... My curiousity inspired if nonetheless unfinished. Tickets in the gutter! Activities that have no outcome. I watch the walls and feel the implanted muse within me germinate, sprout, blossom, and spread -- like young sage. |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
I felt a certain excitement to this piece - a feeling like 'oh boy this is gonna be great'! In many ways it delivered for me with two small reservations. too much alliteration. You have some great moments here primarily AS A RESULT of it but I think you go just a tad, only a tad, too far. The speaker's character seems a little vague to me (of course, I may be missing the clues) but I felt it was a spider or some type of spore. I wonder if you might want to make that a little clearer and, at the same time, expand its personality. At first, I thought it was the personification of a painting but didn't think that worked too well. Wouldn't the watching be the other way around? Still, a very fun read, Brad |
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Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
Marq paraphrasing maybe not a clever idea usually, but this has been bugging me so here goes.. The sound of me arriving in my head I came here to the place where i hope to find myriad ideas So i exist here motionless, inactive, apparently unobservable and unobserved. My ideas reverberate inside me. Having wasted time in frivolous pointless pursuits, i crave the quiet and space of within and the furious creative energy that then ensues .. My inspiration fired but yet not concluded .. Forget human frivolities that lead nowhere and produce nothing profitable. I withdraw inside myself and feel my natural creative energy spark alive and produce something worthwhile which then grows; wisdom's beginnings ~~~~~~~~~ (liked the echo of “lawn” and “sage” btw..) Does this remotely resemble what you had in mind? Before you answer that just remember “the reader is always right!” ... it must be so .. Brad told me..  thought provoking thanks Philip [This message has been edited by Poertree (edited 08-17-2000).] |
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boji stone Member
since 2000-08-13
Posts 62USA |
i enjoyed your words, only a few nits to pick. it seems the line breaks could have been a bit better, and the rhythm was a tad off, but i loved the content, and the way you got your idea across. anxious to read more of your work~ bjstone! |
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