»
Archives
»
Critical Analysis #1
»
Not One Thought Left to Think
| Critical Analysis #1 |
|
Not One Thought Left to Think |
|
|
roxane Senior Member
since 1999-09-02
Posts 505us |
Tonight I die Among the remnants of sunlight The summer exhales hot breath It expires and the ground mourns I'll sleep in the arms of Death tonight I'm going now How can a people understand the way An individual person lives And condemn them for their death I care not for I'm intoxicated With the blood sugar thought of the end Not one thought left to think I've thought them all They've brought me down I've made my bed And I am lying in it I'll soon be dying in it With not a soul in the world to care To die is so sweet I think suicide might give me a cavity I'm going to smile as my blood stains the sink Turn my eyes to the light And I sigh Tonight I die as if I was so old But I was never even young I've always known I'd die here all alone The sky with its starry acne Want to swallow me up in the blackness? I die with not one thought left to think ------------------ "Come night, come darkness, for you cannot come too soon or stay too long in such a place as this." Charles Dickens roxane |
||
| © Copyright 1999 roxane - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
Paul Allen Lupien Member
since 1999-09-09
Posts 114Ferndale,Mi.USA |
Roxane, I share your desperation.I too,wonder what I am doing here in this rather empty reality called human existance.Actually,the fear of the act of voluntary cessation keeps me here.It is something to consider.Just suppose that consciousness continues after we are free of this "mortal coil."Perhaps the last awareness we have as a human being is what we must endure until we again take on another incarnation.If so,the pain of self-imposed death may be a quite horrific sentence.Personally,I would not want to take the chance.I so hope that you choose to endure these earthly trials as well.You are not alone... Paul ------------------ |
||
|
Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
Roxanne, Please don't hate me but I find 'suicide poems' and especially poems that glorify suicide very difficult to stomach. I'm not questioning your sincerity but I find that they almost always show a lack of imagination, a basic misinterpretation of the world (in my opinion). I'll say my peace and if you disagree, we can discuss it if you want. 1. The character does not seem to be suffering from any physical or clinical condition that inhibits making choices (am I missing something?) 2. The personification of Death is overused (now, it might be interesting to try it in a new way but I don't thing you've done that here). 3. 'How can a people understand the way/ An individual person lives/ And condemn them for their death/ I care not . . . .' a) a people cannot understand anything here because you haven't told the reader anything. You haven't given anybody a chance to even offer alternatives because you haven't explained the situation. I see this as a "You don't know what I've been through" argument and its strength relies on the mystery -- nothing else. Explain the situation, explore your feelings, consider alternatives, listen to others -- what's the harm? When you're dead, you're dead and it won't matter either way. b) if the character doesn't care about being judged then why did you take the time to put these lines in the poem? For me, this means the character does care and doesn't want to think about it. Fear of perhaps suicide might be a mistake? It may be; it may not be . Why not think about it? Again, when you're dead, you're dead. 4. I've made my bed And I'm lying in it I'll soon be dying in it -- trite. You're talking about the one truly final point in someone's life. Take it more seriously. 5. 'With not a soul in the world to care' -- interesting phrasing here. The cliche would be 'without a care in the world' but I read your phrasing to mean 'nobody cares'. Again, why bring this up if the character says 'I care not'. If the character really is alone, unwanted, unloved death is not going change that. Only by living can a person change that. 6. The rest is a trivialization of a very serious topic (I find 'suicide poems' hard to read comically -- perhaps a defect on my part -- but every metaphor you use is something that changes over time -- cavity, acne, youth, age, being alone. None of them are death. I see this as an attempt to distance the finality of death, to say 'hey, death is just one of those things', to domesticate it. Death is final. Before death there is at least the possibility of opportunity, of change. After death, we don't know but every religion I'm familiar with sends suicides to a kind of hell or at least a lower level of existence. If death is non-existence, there is no peace, no rest because you can't feel anything. It is not the opposite of pain; it is not relief; it is nothing. 7. "I die with not one thought left to think" again, the phrasing is strange implying that the character has thought everything. How many languages does the character speak? How many philosphies studied? How many different people talked to? Been everywhere? Seen everything? Done all that is possible? The character is limiting the possiblities of life in order to die, not dieing because there are no more possibilities. Death comes. Why not find out what's going on in life, truly explore the possibilities (the character would have to be God to have done them all)? You are going to die after all. Well, that's it. Yeah, I really detest 'suicide poetry' for the above reasons. There are always options before you die, exercise them. Brad |
||
|
loyd168282 Junior Member
since 1999-09-10
Posts 12lou,ky jefferson |
I think it is awesome sweetie. BRANDEN |
||
|
Lorelei Junior Member
since 1999-09-22
Posts 23Philadelphia, PA |
I liked this poem. Sometimes 'll write poems about suicide. (It has become my trademark)... I seriously doubt that anyone ever writes or jokes about suicide unless they really want someone to stand up and take notice. This poem catch my attention, because if you read inside of it, you can feel what the person who wrote it was or is thinking. I hope you'll keep writing, and keep up the good work! |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||