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notlikely2
Member

since 2000-06-16

Posts 308
UK

0 posted 2000-07-18 04:01 AM

                           HANDS

                   As my fingers stretch out
                           reaching
                            for you
                      I feel them glowing
                             with
                         anticipation
                              of
                          that moment
                    when our skin collides
                              and
                            I long
                              for
                        that explosion
                         of tenderness
                          that tumult
                          of whispers
                         that universe
                            of love
                        that smothering
                            of care
                              and
                            as I do
                           touch you
                         that feeling
                        sweeps over me
                           I breathe
                         deep and long
                         then sighing
                             relax
                           into you
                       I am full of you
                       you overwhelm me
                  with your all powerful love
                       I am defenceless
                 against your attack of beauty
                      unwilling to fight
                 against this unstopable wave
                          of emotion
                           my senses
                         are drowning
                   in a flood of contentment
                           willingly
                            my head
                           so light
                             spins
                        out of control
                          I collapse
                     into your fingertips
                          you hold me
                            I lose
                       all sense of time
                      all of my memories
                  all care for worldly things
                    all worry of this life
                           there is
                             only
                             here
                              now
                              and
                               you

Lighthousebob
Member Elite

since 2000-06-14

Posts 4725
California

1 posted 2000-07-18 01:21 PM

a whirlwind of emotion you have expressed here... very nice. I applaud your use of words alluding natural disaster which contribute to a very touching moment. Left me spinning... Bob <><

roxane
Senior Member

since 1999-09-02

Posts 505
us

2 posted 2000-07-19 06:26 PM

i like the format you've used in this poem. you get a sinking feeling, a falling into the arms of your lover type of thing. the one thing that i would look at is the use of phrases like "universe of love" and "attack of beauty." it seems like you are trying to say something else here, but are not quite getting at it. what exactly is an attack of beauty? that phrase for some reason really jarrs me. i don't know. it just seems like a negative thing. perhaps the word that you are looking for has a more positive connotation. like maybe the opposite of attack (whatever that may be).
otherwise i thought that it was a very good poem.

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