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Critical Analysis #1
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Death of a Lonely Farmer
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Death of a Lonely Farmer |
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Seoulman Junior Member
since 2000-05-24
Posts 41 |
The cock crows and yellow rays of light gather on Brahman backs but the old farmer still doesn't stir. Empty pails of milk, untouched,and warmer than usual,stand by wooden piles as docile herds lift and sway, even they notice the day has begun a little strange. The old farmer still doesn't stir. The chooks cackle while the cock sounds a late reveille and ravens pick at sacks of corn posited short of a firmly closed barn. The old farmer still doesn't stir. Hens gossip, cocks banter, cows remain meek while ravens always plunder, and empty pails complete a picture as those yellow rays detach themselves-and- that old farmer still doesn't stir. Perhaps weeks..... will pass, before a bank manager will notice. |
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| © Copyright 2000 Seoulman - All Rights Reserved | |||
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
Seoulman: It's a little late in PA so I can't give your poem the attention I think it deserves. I will say at this time that I think you develop the theme well and I picked up on your clever use of alliteration and assonance (reveile/ravens, for example). The ending was a little predictable and, to be honest with you, this was disappointing to me. With the majority of your poem seeming to be so carefully written and descriptive, I expected a little more out of the ending. Even so, I liked your poem and thought it was a very well written narrative. Maybe more tomorrow. Jim |
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Craig Member
since 1999-06-10
Posts 444 |
I too thought the ending was a little predictable, changing the title might help ‘Death of a Lonely Farmer’ sort of gives the game away, I was expecting him to die or be dead before I read it. Just a thought. Craig Yes, I admit your general rule. That every poet is a fool: But I myself may serve to show it. That every fool is not a poet. |
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Seoulman Junior Member
since 2000-05-24
Posts 41 |
Thanks guys for your comments. I think I shouldn't have rushed to get this one out but if I ponder too much I tend to lose it even more. Thanks again for your comments. |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
Matt, As I stated before I really liked this one. It has a very Lawson feel to it. I do agree with Craig though that the title should be changed -- it telegraphs what you're doing. Have a great time in Australia and see ya in a month. Brad |
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Elyse Member
since 2000-04-16
Posts 414Apex (think raleigh) NC |
hi seoulman! actually (and i reckon im alone here) im not too big on the repetition every stanza. maybe just on the first and last stanzas, or even if you skipped it on the third stanza only, i think that would be better. just an opinion, o'course  great attention to detail though.  luv Elyse |
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notlikely2 Member
since 2000-06-16
Posts 308UK |
Well, I may be on my own here, but I thought the ending was terrific. But then I am from the UK and I don't know many farmers. I think that this is a very effective poem particularly for those of us from a bit further away. I would have chosen a different title though. Maybe something like "Money Counts" On the other hand, was "Death of a Salesman" any less powerful because of it's title? |
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Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
LOL I was just about to say the same as not likely about the ending but he or she got in first .. (btw notlikely Hi ..i'm from the UK as well)..... specifically i loved the ending because of the little twist of irony it imparted .. unlike NL i know quite a few farmers and even more bank managers ..lol .. and i guess you could really say that a bank manager might be a farmer's best friend ..perhaps his ONLY friend if he grew GM crops .. heh heh ..... but, yes ... change that title!! Philip |
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sash Member
since 2000-06-22
Posts 125 |
Seoulman...I couldn't help but to be drawn into the title. I am a country girl who has worked at the local livestock market for the past eleven years. I have seen Your poem acted out in "real life, and death" many times, by many a colorful character... Might I say, I have taken it litterally! |
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