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Critical Analysis #1
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jezz_micah
New Member
since 2000-06-30
Posts 8


0 posted 2000-07-11 08:37 AM



*Dedicated to Matthew Charron*


As i sit here and think
i wonder how it would be
if you had stayed with me
but obvioulsy it wasn't meant to be...

And now i look back to the
times we shared
all the times we dared
dared to be natural, dared to be free
but obviously, it wasn't meant to be...

We've spent so much time together
and we're so close at one time
but now that's not worth one dime
so obviously it wasn't meant to be...

So continue your life
the way you feel it should be
but obviously it wasn't meant to be...
   with me...

published in the  national library book of poetry.."98"

© Copyright 2000 jezz_micah - All Rights Reserved
Brad
Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705
Jejudo, South Korea
1 posted 2000-07-25 05:39 PM


I like the use of repetition but think you should focus on more concrete images rather than a description of hopes and wishes. You need to let the reader in more.

Just a suggestion,
Brad

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