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lost
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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lost |
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jezz_micah New Member
since 2000-06-30
Posts 8 |
I'm lost like a tiny new hatched turtle trying to make his journey to the sea. My body aches, head pounds, stomach empty. My mind replaying memories, thoughts, everything all at once. like re-runs of seventh -heaven, over and over again. Movies, long-walks, sweet evenings, dozen red long stemmed roses, long bubble baths. Everything just seems to be going through my head all at once. I've never been so certain or so sure about how i felt for somone until now. And have a feeling i'll never feel it again. It's been so long since i've talked to him and belive that's what hurts most. He's somehow taken away all that was good in my life, including himself. He's taken away dreams, hopes asperations, everything i've ever thought was real and could never be taken away from me. He's stolen my heart and it's laying in my hand and i feel the slow, dull pulse if it through out my entire body. I can feel the tears pour down my cheeks and onto my shirt the way a river runs swiftly down a water fall. My body trembles, shakes, and on my back i can sometimes feel the soft pressure of his hands. All i can hear is the sound of slow water flowing upon the beach while watching the sun set. I can feel the rush come over my body while laying together watching movies. I can see the look in his eyes while looking into mine. I can hear the slow passionate sound of his voice while telling me he "loved me". My life revolved around him, my future involved him. Everything i once believed in now feels wrong. Everything i loved now moved on. Everything i believed i'd always cherish now vanished. Everything i believed to be true now just sitting on a mantle collecting dust. All my pictures up; causing remembrance although the room doesn't look the same without them. My necklace still hangs around my neck, resting close to my heart. I feel lost and incomplete without it. My roses still hanging from the wall. My body trembles, my mind a jungle of all. I'm lost like a tiny new hatched turtle trying to make his journey towards the sea. |
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| © Copyright 2000 jezz_micah - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Hi Jezz, Welcome to CA. Sorry I don't have much of a critique for you but I'm sure someone else will shortly.It certainly tells of a sad situation and a loss. It seems to me that I would rather have a less detailed description and a more metaphoric approach. Maybe let me fill in some blanks for myself. I guess I really don't know how to describe what I mean. So, I'll just say again, welcome to CA  Pete |
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mysticharm Member
since 2000-06-08
Posts 189Canada |
hi jezz WOW...this poem is beautiful and at the same time wretches the heart out of anyone who has lived through losing the love of their life. very powerfully worded(I have to leave the technical side of things to those who know what they're talking about lol)I really liked it debbie debbie Think of saying "I Love You" as always being overdue. Love is a gift, not an obligation. unknown |
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