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Critical Analysis #1
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Not A Poet
Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885
Oklahoma, USA

0 posted 2000-07-10 10:27 AM


         The End

To write of love and lovely things
Was all I ever wished to do,
To tell my love why my heart sings.
To write of love and lovely things --
But love is borne on fragile wings
And much too soon it may be through.
To write of love and lovely things
Was all I ever wished to do.

So many times I wrote of her
To sing the praises of her charms
And show her my love as it were.
So many times I wrote of her
But hope she knows I still prefer
To hold her closely in my arms.
So many times I wrote of her
To sing the praises of her charms.

I knew she never could be mine
But gladly let her steal my heart
To have and hold for all of time.
I knew she never could be mine
But failed to heed that warning sign;
Bewitched and blinded from the start,
I knew she never could be mine
But gladly let her steal my heart.

I wrote of love, my love to see --
Oh lovely goddess I adore --
Her love meant everything to me.
I wrote of love, my love to see,
I wished our love might ever be,
I wished to give her so much more.
I wrote of love, my love to see --
Oh lovely goddess I adore.

That sweet romance has ended now
And for its end how my heart cries
And pleads it might live on ... But how?
That sweet romance has ended now,
Has sadly made its final bow --
I'll no more gaze into her eyes;
That sweet romance has ended now,
And for its end how my heart cries.

So end is here my dearest friends
And now I have no more to say,
For saddest day is when love ends.
So end is here my dearest friends;
My humble poem now offends.
My inspiration's gone away,
So end is here my dearest friends
And now I have no more to say.



Pete

What terms shall I find sufficiently simple in their sublimity --
sufficiently sublime in their simplicity --
for the mere enunciation of my theme?
Edgar Allan Poe



© Copyright 2000 Pete Rawlings - All Rights Reserved
mysticharm
Member
since 2000-06-08
Posts 189
Canada
1 posted 2000-07-10 11:37 AM


Hi Pete

"That sweet romance has ended now
And for its end how my heart cries
And pleads it might live on ... But how?
That sweet romance has ended now,
Has sadly made its final bow --
I'll no more gaze into her eyes;
That sweet romance has ended now,
And for its end how my heart cries."

...up until this stanza(new word for me lol)I thought the poem was about a silent love, a love to be thought and written about but never declared

...am I off track? It's a little vague for me on this point otherwise I was enjoying the poem.  

debbie

Never underestimate the Power of Purpose.
Yesterday is history.
Tomorrow is a mystery.
Today is a gift.
That's why it's called the 'Present'
unkn

Poertree
Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359
UK
2 posted 2000-07-10 11:46 AM


your poetry will never offend me Pete .. i'm not usually a great fan of repetition but somehow its use in this piece seemed to give it an air of sad echoes of the past and things lost ..(oh and echoes also of "The Poet Speaks" of course).....

anyway nuff of the critique stuff .. this was immensely sad .. i hope it doesn't reflect your true mood too much .. and anyway, even if some things end you must never stop your poetry from coming .. it's far far too good...

best wishes

philip

[This message has been edited by Poertree (edited 07-10-2000).]

jbouder
Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534
Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash
3 posted 2000-07-10 10:29 PM


Pete:

I'm out of time tonight but just noticed your poem.  Too late for me to go into much of a critique besides saying that it seems very well constructed and it is as especially strong in its expression of feeling.

This poem is a fine measure of your talent, Pete ... remember ...  The goddess was the recipient of the fruits of that talent ... not the source of it.  Hope to see a new beginning soon.

Jim


Elyse
Member
since 2000-04-16
Posts 414
Apex (think raleigh) NC
4 posted 2000-07-11 07:59 AM


hi pete!  i must say i dont like that line about your poem offending, because that's a lie, its a beautiful poem.  is this some particular form, or just you being creative?  parts of it reminded me very much of a villanelle, which i admit i thought you were trying to do but mistook the form a bit at the beginning. (sorry!)  its true though, an incredibly sad and emotive poem.  i liked it bunches  
luv Elyse

jezz_micah
New Member
since 2000-06-30
Posts 8

5 posted 2000-07-11 08:27 AM


i'm definately thinking that your name should not be "not a poet"    
you may not realize it but your are a damn good poet.  and you should always keep writting....   i believe love is the strongest topic in poetry to write about.. i really enjoyed reading this poem too...
~Jessica~


Not A Poet
Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885
Oklahoma, USA
6 posted 2000-07-11 10:15 AM


Debbie,

First I'm glad you enjoyed. But, I think you are missing the point just a little   The stanza you referred to effectively IS the poem. It tells the whole story and the rest is just fluff or filler to make it fit the page better  

Hey Philip,

Thanks for remembering "The Poet Speaks", I'm not sure anyone else does. Worry not, my friend, this is not my mood. In fact it is a fairly old poem that I just now decided to post. The phrase you caught was actually what inspired "The Poet Speaks." I had forgotten that   Finally, I'll discuss the repetition further down. OBTW, I did not mean to say this poem offends the readers (see Elyse below).

Jim,

Thanks for reading and I still would like to hear more from you on the technical aspects. BTW,
   "The goddess was the recipient of the fruits of that talent ... not the source of it"
WOW, that is a beautifully poetic statement in itself. I like that and thank you for it very much. Finally I refer you to my answer to Philip. This was actually a fairly old poem, for me anyway.

Elyse,

Thanks for the complement. I'm really glad you liked it. But, I see there is some possibility of missunderstanding here. My intent was not to say this particular poem offends the readers (if any). Instead, it may have become offensive to those most closely associated. There was a series of sonnets and other poems which you would probably have to find and read to really understand the meaning here. Besides, offends fit the rhyme and meter perfectly  

AHA! Someone finally noticed (or at least commented on) the structure. This is actually a triolet, or more precisely a set of triolets (do we hear Jim shuffling through his glossary?) I found the form in a glossary some time ago and though it didn't seem very important or interesting, I decided to try one anyway. Well, I can't seem to write just one stanza (structure, ya know) so this is the result.

Jessica,

Thanks for reading and commenting. I'm glad you enjoyed it. Yes, love has been the topic I, as well as so many others, have written most about. But I am trying to reach into other areas now. This poem is just "The End" of that phase, I think.



[This message has been edited by Not A Poet (edited 07-11-2000).]

YeshuJah Malikk
Member
since 2000-06-29
Posts 263

7 posted 2000-07-11 11:00 AM


Love and its brutalities, how can one avoid them?  You do a good job of portraying them here.
Poertree
Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359
UK
8 posted 2000-07-11 01:46 PM


a "triolet" eh?  ahhh interesting the closest my dictionary gets is "toilet" .. .. or maybe it's a reflection of the mischievous mood of the forum right now  

...how did i miss that? ... a triolet .. tsk ...tskkk ...well i never ... ~shaking head~ ... amazing ...lol... seriously tho pete where do you dredge these things up from?

p

Elyse
Member
since 2000-04-16
Posts 414
Apex (think raleigh) NC
9 posted 2000-07-11 02:25 PM


oooh, a new form, how exciting        the only thing to do now is to figure out how to corrupt it by composing a poem full of double entendres involving some food or other    seriously, thanx for broadening my poetic horizons  
luv Elyse

jbouder
Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534
Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash
10 posted 2000-07-11 04:05 PM


Maybe we all should try one of these.  

Jim

P.S.  I will get to the content ... I'm working late tonight but should be able to take a look tomorrow.  Good to hear this really isn't the end.

Sky_Dancer
Junior Member
since 2000-07-07
Posts 17

11 posted 2000-07-11 05:24 PM


Hi Not A Poet,(Even though I think you are)

I have to agree with Poertree. You used the art of repetition to your advantage. Usually I find this technique annoying, but you used it well. IMHO.   But I think this is great.


[This message has been edited by Sky_Dancer (edited 07-11-2000).]

Not A Poet
Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885
Oklahoma, USA
12 posted 2000-07-13 01:09 PM


Yesh, Thanks for the compliment.

Philip, "toilet" now I think I should be offended, or should that be offensive?  

Elyse, I've never written anything about food, afraid it might come out dirty or something  

Jim, Don't know whether you will get much interest among the others in all writing one of these, but I'll be happy to supply the rules for anyone who can't find them. OBTW, it seems that we are still waiting for your double sestina   Also still anxiously awaiting your critique.

Sky_Dancer, Thanks for reading and for the compliment. I'm glad you enjoyed.

Thanks All,
Pete


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