»
Archives
»
Critical Analysis #1
»
The Other Side Of The Rainbow
| Critical Analysis #1 |
|
The Other Side Of The Rainbow |
|
|
Forrest Cain Member
since 2000-04-21
Posts 306Chas.,W.V. USA |
The Other Side Of The Rainbow Synchronized firmament, undulates and churns, unsettled skies pirouette, gyroid'al whorls of turbulence. funnel, tunnel, rage descends, cyclonic, demonic, flurried wind, destructive twisters animates, ambient vortex dissipates. Drizzle, drazzle, druzzle drone, this tornado's overblown. Puddle, muddle peeking blue, sunshine rays streaking through. Dainty dancers magic weave, twirling, twinkling happy dreams. Spinning threads of rainbow light, multi-colored curves invite. Prima donnas measured steps, ruby slippers dreamily skip. Standing ovations and thunderous applause, center stage and curtain calls. Emmies and Grammies...Academy Awards. Delusions dependence alluring depicts rainbow addictions needing a fix. (excerpt from Judy Garland poem 1939 "would that my pen was tipped by a magic wand.") Choreographic words inspire, reaching for heart's desire. But stumble, crumble lives they break, hocus, pocus, focus ache. Pain behind drownding eyes, goes far beyond the starry skies. Flying Monkeys and bewitched brooms Poppy Fields seductive wounds. Tracing blood that tracks her arm, tempestuous needles habitual charm. Behind rainbows empty glare, straight ahead, withdrawn she stares. direct into, "no place like home" and slowly begins to melt. (excerpt from Judy Garland poem1939 "How strange when an illusion dies.") forrest 2000 ( [This message has been edited by Forrest Cain (edited 07-02-2000).] |
||
| © Copyright 2000 O. Forrest Cain - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
eldridgejackson Member
since 2000-04-30
Posts 91 |
Nice poem Forrest. I like the description of the tornado. Of course you left out the flying monkeys when will you ever learn. eldridge aka James |
||
|
YeshuJah Malikk Member
since 2000-06-29
Posts 263 |
Friend, a very clever display of word usage, but hardly reader friendly. Not that I don't get it in this poem, but it is this type of poetry, in my opinion,that contributes to poetry's continued demise. Just for the heck of it I'll probably check the author out. Stay Cool. YeshuJah*) |
||
|
Forrest Cain Member
since 2000-04-21
Posts 306Chas.,W.V. USA |
YeshuJah thanks for taking the time to read my poem. Agreed the excessive use of words such as gyroid'al and whorl are difficult to integrate but in describing such primoral forces I reluctantly used them. The subject matter of the poem is very common knowledge, so I thought I might get away with being more abstact than normal. I will however disagree with you on the demise of poetry. When you see the vast amount of voices on the internet and the tremendous amount of new books at the library from women ,and other minorities that require a platform to express I see a growing resurgence in poetry .That's only my opinion. I Would expect a little more specifics in your next critique as I'm at a loss how to improve this piece based on your input. forrest [This message has been edited by Forrest Cain (edited 07-01-2000).] |
||
|
Forrest Cain Member
since 2000-04-21
Posts 306Chas.,W.V. USA |
A.K.A James Cain you have your flying monkeys. I'm still working on teaching them the proper modern dances. forrest |
||
|
Lighthousebob Member Elite
since 2000-06-14
Posts 4725California |
 I applaud your use of words and vivid description. Your punctuation drives me MAD in this one. I was going to try to correct, but fooled myself to believe that: “What the heck the punctuation must be used here to emphasize the affects of the whirlwind?" I love the mix of reality with fantasy. I admit to you in real life that I get the two confused quite often. It was a pleasant escape into the land of Oz until addiction to the rainbow and the blood that tracks her arm brought me back to the harsh reality of what this poem is about, "The Other Side Of The Rainbow."Bob <>< p.s. flurries for furies, dissipates, excerpt, heart’s for hearts, and drowning are some possible corrections. |
||
|
Forrest Cain Member
since 2000-04-21
Posts 306Chas.,W.V. USA |
Bob I have come to the conclusion that you are a kind and nurturing person. Have taken your suggestions and find it improves what I'am trying to say. Funny this poem, my daughter is a wizard of oz collecter and what ever the odds ,I met a munchkin at the hospital and developed an interest in Judy Garland from our conversations. Contractually Judy had to maintain a certain weight and was fed uppers and downers like candy in making the film "wizard Of Oz" this blatant practice along with her successes led to devestating drug addictions plus psychotherapies overuse of drugs and bad counciling ultimatly leading to her death before the age of fifty. Such a beautiful movie created from awful ugliness. Her biography and poetry is on the web. Again Bob thank you for being kind. And my punctuation and spelling are atrocious so if it confused you it's my inadequacies and not your lack of grammer. just ask miss elyse. your friend forrest [This message has been edited by Forrest Cain (edited 07-02-2000).] |
||
|
Elyse Member
since 2000-04-16
Posts 414Apex (think raleigh) NC |
hi forrest! look, you shouldn't have those (excerpt..) things, originally i thought you had posted excerpts from a poem Judy Garland wrote. now, for critique... i so dig your poem up to the point where you break with the couplets. its a little jolting to go from such measured rhyme to none at all. (Although, it works well in the last stanza) in fact, it would work to leave the last 2 lines of the first stanza unrhymed too, but i really do think you should keep some rhyme until then. maybe not neccesarrily couplets, but something. thats really all i have to say about this one, really dug it lots. luv Elyse |
||
|
allan Senior Member
since 2000-04-09
Posts 620On the road |
Forrest, For me this was a poem that achieved its ends brilliantly. It has left a lasting mark in my mind re Judy. It is pretty haunting. It is SO sad what happened to her. Thanks. Allan  |
||
|
Forrest Cain Member
since 2000-04-21
Posts 306Chas.,W.V. USA |
Elyse have taken your advice and rhymed the first stanza(much better). Is it acceptable to quote other poets in your poems , I'm not sure and get a feeling that it's something I shouldn't be doing except sometimes their voice complements yours. Tell me tell me tell me true. An Illusion by Judy Garland (an excerpt) "how strange when an illusion dies." my reference for her the illusion of the publics reaction to the beauty of the rainbow. For us the illusion of her as the perfect midwestern girl having it all. The Wish by Judy Garland (an excerpt) "Would that my pen was tipped by a magic wand." Her poetry is on the web, look under Judy Garland I can't remember the exact site but was easy to find. your biggest fan forrest (did you nitice almost no "the`s or ands" you`re making progress with me) |
||
|
Forrest Cain Member
since 2000-04-21
Posts 306Chas.,W.V. USA |
Allan thank you for your very kind words. They did my heart good. your friend forrest |
||
|
Tim Gouldthorp Member
since 2000-01-03
Posts 170 |
Forrest Certainly a nice choice of words. Be warned though, when putting words together like this i think there is a tendency just to read for the sound of the words rather than absorb too much of their content. But of course this was probably part of your attention. Certainly what happened to Judy Garland was sad, the ritual of young innocence slayed by ruthless greed certainly is an oft repeated one. Sad how in the end she was forced to put on so many masks she lost her own identity. Reminds me a bit of what happened to Maryln Monroe as well. -Tim |
||
|
Tim Gouldthorp Member
since 2000-01-03
Posts 170 |
Forrest Certainly a nice choice of words. Be warned though, when putting words together like this i think there is a tendency just to read for the sound of the words rather than absorb too much of their content. But of course this was probably part of your intention. Certainly what happened to Judy Garland was sad, the ritual of young innocence slayed by ruthless greed certainly is an oft repeated one. Sad how in the end she was forced to put on so many masks she lost her own identity. Reminds me a bit of what happened to Maryln Monroe as well. -Tim |
||
|
Tim Gouldthorp Member
since 2000-01-03
Posts 170 |
Forrest Certainly a nice choice of words. Be warned though, when putting words together like this i think there is a tendency just to read for the sound of the words rather than absorb too much of their content. But of course this was probably part of your intention. Certainly what happened to Judy Garland was sad, the ritual of young innocence slayed by ruthless greed certainly is an oft repeated one. Sad how in the end she was forced to put on so many masks she lost her own identity. Reminds me a bit of what happened to Maryln Monroe as well. -Tim |
||
|
Forrest Cain Member
since 2000-04-21
Posts 306Chas.,W.V. USA |
Tim thanks for your comments. I appreciate your grasp of what I was trying to say and am trying to pare down my tendencies to make statements like i.e.splatter matter gather stuff. One I refrained from using in a prior poem. So I recognize I have a tendency to just make pretty. Thanks for your helpful advice.Your computer printed your reply out 3 tmes. Mine done this Friday. Gremlins I say. your friend forrest |
||
|
Tim Gouldthorp Member
since 2000-01-03
Posts 170 |
Forrest, Sorry about the 3 posts - the darn thing didn't seem to send so i tried twice more -obviously they all came up. Oops. Probably my own computer inadeptness was the cause, I think the gremlins can be aquitted in this instance! -Tim |
||
|
eldridgejackson Member
since 2000-04-30
Posts 91 |
Thanks Forrest for adding the flying monkeys now the poem is complete. The thing I like about the poem is the originality and how you interwove Judy Garland reality with Oz a non-reality. Very clever. EJ aka as James |
||
|
Forrest Cain Member
since 2000-04-21
Posts 306Chas.,W.V. USA |
James you have excellent taste in poetry. Either that or a monkey fetish. It's probablly a monkey thing, wouldn't be suprised to see you write about KING KONG in a tutu. Seriously thanks for the encouragement. your friend forrest |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
