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Broker to Heaven
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Broker to Heaven |
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Jana Tovey Member
since 2000-05-30
Posts 257USA |
She watches expectantly every message that falls from his lips is truly just for her. He speaks solely to her from the realms of the glass barrier, distant, but so close, a stranger...but her special friend. She sends him three-fourths of her pension each month, except for Christmas, when she stuffs in an extra ten. His mission is so important and he relies on her, and others like her, to help him do God's work. Her daughter asks: "Mother, what sins are you trying to wash from the surface of your soul?" Little does she know... Those who might recall are gone, dead now, and she sits here all alone. She hopes fervently that the past is not forever mingled with the substance of her soul, She hopes that the path to heaven is lined in greenbacks, and that her intent surpasses her past, gaining her a welcome into the gates of Heaven. Will God be offended that you tried to buy your way to Heaven, and that your broker was a charlatan? [This message has been edited by Jana Tovey (edited 05-31-2000).] |
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| © Copyright 2000 Jana Tovey - All Rights Reserved | |||
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
Jana, Your writing in this piece is done well. I had a problem, though, with the poor, old widow woman being depicted as trying to "buy" her redemption, as if she was a co-villain. That's just my opinion, of course, but it made me think of all charitable people...do you think they are just trying to ease their consciences by helping others? Very nicely done, Jana...a good thought-provoking poem, Kris the poet's pen...gives to airy nothing A local habitation and a name ~ Shakespeare |
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Jana Tovey Member
since 2000-05-30
Posts 257USA |
Kris, Thank you for your warm welcome and comments. I guess I was trying to depict the type of elderly person who suddenly worries about their own entrance into heaven (or hell) on a more serious level...like my grandfather - a former notorious agnostic - who suddenly got religion in his waning years. He got so hooked on the TV evangelists that we seriously worried whether his pension would hold out until the final day dawned. It did and I guess these programs gave him enormous comfort, but I still can't help taking a poke at this "religous phenomenon" every now and then. |
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jenni Member
since 1999-09-11
Posts 478Washington D.C. |
jana-- another nice piece, with an easy, direct voice. a few comments though? i thought the first two lines were kind of flat, and didn't really get me into the poem; things didn't start moving really until the fourth line, i thought. i also think you could have fleshed out the character of the old woman more. i read what you said about your grandfather above, and thought that was much more interesting than the old woman in the poem, it'd be nice if you could work some of that into the piece. i didn't get much of a sense that the poor, old widow was trying to buy her way into heaven. it's potentially a nice twist, usually one thinks of the elderly as being kind of duped by the televangelist types, taken advantage of in a way, it would have been nice if you had gone a little deeper into the old woman's motivations here. as it is, i don't think it's very clear; indeed, when you ask "will your intent surpass his trickery", it kind of suggests, to me, that her intent in supporting the ministry may be "pure", and the quesiton is, will her possibly well-intentioned actions in service of a hypocrite take her to heaven? i don't think that's really what you're asking there, though. anyway, like i said, you might want to develop the second half of the poem more, just a thought. an interesting read, thanks for sharing it with us. jenni |
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