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i cried
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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i cried |
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eMoTiOnS oVerLoAd Junior Member
since 2000-05-28
Posts 10 |
hello everyone! =)...this is my first time submitting a poem. I think anyone who writes with their heart, and writes whatever they feel at that moment...is a true poet! But i love criticism anyway hehe...ok enough with contradicting myself...read on and tell me what you think =) his eyes so cold, trying to search deep into his soul, wondering what changed. what went wrong. a man with once a warm heart, suddenly turned bitter. slowly i turn away, realizing there is nothing left, nothing left for me to say, nothing more for me to do. tears begin to fall, slowly at first, then leaving me blinded as i try so hard to walk away. could it be this is the end? the man who was supposed to carry me through life, suddenly letting me fall. with not a word, with not a reassuring look. the man i looked up to, from such a very young age, the man i looked up to, for comfort, for guidance, now sending me away. i cry, i tried, i did not want to let him see me hurt, like him i posessed such pride. i cried, but from his love, which was supposed to be unconditional, i was denied. silence... i see it is the end. i was abandoned. i look at him one last time, with no more tears left to cry, left with nothing but the question, of how this love had died. |
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epoet Member
since 2000-05-11
Posts 291grand rapid,MI, usa |
first off, welcome to the family. I agree with you on the fact that anyone who writes with their heart is writing poetry. on your poem, love the theme of abandonment. cold feeling to this poem, but powerful presentation of images. feel your pain and hope someday it will fade away...... P. J. Kotrch carpe diem A soul once touched is a soul once blessed by love |
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jenni Member
since 1999-09-11
Posts 478Washington D.C. |
emotions overload-- this piece reads a little like a diary entry, a very good and emotional diary entry, to be sure, and one we can all relate to, but i think maybe this poem might be more effective if you used some imagery to convey some of the feelings expressed here. as it is, there is little here to capture the reader's imagination, it is simply a straight telling of an event, which doesn't carry a lot of power to a reader who doesn't know anything about the speaker or the beloved. don't just tell me what happened, take me there, inside your head and heart, make me feel it! just my opinion, of course. jenni [This message has been edited by jenni (edited 05-30-2000).] |
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