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bisundev
New Member

since 2000-05-05

Posts 9

0 posted 2000-05-05 06:44 PM

If you want a rose, and give me thorns,
Go ahead--- nail my heart.
If my tears can make you laugh,
Take a step--- make me cry.
When stars fall, I am not going to catch them
Get ready--- run with a bowl.
If you want a lighted world,
Take the sun and the moon with you.
I will become dust in the darkness,
Lost from your sight forever.

I started in pain; I will end in pain
Pain has been my friend; I will live in pain.
Sadness is a finger,
Happiness a nail growing from it.
I am happy to be sad, to support your smile.
Close the windows. Close the door
Put off the lights, and leave me alone.
You will kill my heart.
I want to vanish
Into nonexistence and nothingness.

Forrest Cain
Member

since 2000-04-21

Posts 306
Chas.,W.V. USA

1 posted 2000-05-05 09:08 PM

I`m not sure how to respond to this poem
other than to state the obvious. That
being bad love or lost love and the heart
ache and pain that goes with it. What
I liked was the poetic way you expressed
it and the fact that I could feel the
edge of your depression and despair.
Well done.

forrest

Marq
Member

since 1999-10-18

Posts 222

2 posted 2000-05-05 11:02 PM

I thought the first stanza was excellent, but you lost your touch in the second stanza.

bisundev
New Member

since 2000-05-05

Posts 9

3 posted 2000-05-06 01:20 AM

Thanks, Forrest and Marq for your thoughtful comments. Hey Marq, I will do my best to improve the second stanza. I too have a feeling that there is a change in flow. Thanks again.

bisundev.

Elliott
Junior Member

since 2000-04-06

Posts 35
Chapel Hill, NC

4 posted 2000-05-06 09:49 AM

the confessional, direct tone of the language is powerful, but the images aren't very far from the regular old poetic clichés. with more diverse, unusual images, this is a fantastic poem.

amazon_lover
Member

since 2000-04-09

Posts 491
Dublin,Ireland

5 posted 2000-05-06 04:24 PM

Hi Bisundev!
Love can never make a person desolate and deceased with pain. The best thing about love is you'll never know it when you're in love but you'll feel its missing when its gone. Cherish the brighter moments and let go off the pain. Carry on as life holds a lot of promise.
Just stay open and love would strike you as a lightning. Enjoy lfe.
Sincerely
A_L

Casonova
Junior Member

since 2000-04-29

Posts 35
Mays Landing

6 posted 2000-05-07 09:25 PM

hey bisundev,
Great thouhgts here and very well expressed, expecially in the first stanza, And I have to say that I agree with marq, the first stanza was great, but the second kinda takes away the rythm and thouhgt of the poem. well bye for now..

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