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a flight of fancy...
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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a flight of fancy... |
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allan Senior Member
since 2000-04-09
Posts 620On the road 
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flew off the mountain top eyes closed into sky bluewhite streams of sound greenybrown hills lifting up to vision & swirling lines of telegraphs 'n cornfields seen in one long smooth arc and soaring over cascade-flecked ocean plunging down into bubbles sparkling turquoise filaments streaking everywhere cool & greenbright racing up crashing into sunshine speeding higher 'til blue shades to blackest black 'n the stars flash open 'n wondrous EVERYWHERE opening the heart ... below ... Earth coolblue 'n browngold turns silent ... one fragile blue moth floating on a moonbeam ... [This message has been edited by allan (edited 05-04-2000).] |
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| © Copyright 2000 Allan Tierney - All Rights Reserved | |||
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bboog Member
since 2000-02-29
Posts 303Valencia, California |
A~ This poem reminded me of a person jumping from a plane with a parachute. You've got some nice colorful images. Perhaps add a smell or two? Also, I think that you might consider ending this one after "opening the heart." The three periods... are distracting (to me) and didn't add to anything. Of course, this is my opinion and you're free to toss it into the rubbish. best regards, bboog |
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Forrest Cain Member
since 2000-04-21
Posts 306Chas.,W.V. USA |
Sounds like parasailing to me. Very descriptive though you might have been hand gliding. Either way you didn`t miss much in the way of sensation. Thanks for the words. forrest [This message has been edited by Forrest Cain (edited 05-05-2000).] |
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Marq Member
since 1999-10-18
Posts 222 |
I like the style. But I agree with bboog that the poem would be improved if you ended it after the second stanza. I didn't care for 'blackest black', and I thought the second stanza was not as powerful as the first stanza. Love to see poets experiment, which is what I thought you were doing here.  ) |
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allan Senior Member
since 2000-04-09
Posts 620On the road |
Thanks all for your comments. I will take it all into the onboard computer! Right now they make good sense. You're right Marq - experimenting. But they all tend to be that way with me!  [This message has been edited by allan (edited 05-06-2000).] |
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