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From You I Learned
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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From You I Learned |
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sKiTtLeS Member
since 2000-04-12
Posts 113wisconsin, u.s.a. |
From you I learned to love, from you I learned to trust. It was you who taught me to give my heart, not solely out of lust. From you I learned the passions, from you I learned the pain. It was you who taught me how to fly, Despite the pouring rain. From you there came the laughter, from you there came the cries. It was you who kissed the teardrops, away from salty eyes. So...(smiles)  To you I'm always grateful, for giving me love so true. And all I know is this, I'll forever be loving you. sKiTtLeS~ |
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| © Copyright 2000 Brighton Zynda - All Rights Reserved | |||
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
Skittles: This is very cute (I can't believe you made me say "cute"!).  The rhyme works for me and the meter is almost perfect but the sincerity is probably the greatest strength of this poem. I would suggest you change "teardrops" to "tears" to strengthen your rhythm but, aside from that, I don't see many weaknesses with this. Normally I would not be crazy about the "... smiles" part but ... well ... it was just cute. So ... tell me ... how did the recipient of this poem react? Nice work. Jim |
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amazon_lover Member
since 2000-04-09
Posts 491Dublin,Ireland |
Hi Its so cute and tender! I'd love to have some friend like that A_L |
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sKiTtLeS Member
since 2000-04-12
Posts 113wisconsin, u.s.a. |
jbouder: thanks! this poem was actually written to describe the feelings i felt about this guy i just broke up with and was kinda depressed over. at the end i started thinking that i really shouldn't be so down about the situation, so i put a happy ending on it. the guy never got the chance to read it, since i wrote it after we broke up, so i don't know....heh. thanks for the compliments though, i had to laugh about your flipping out over the use of the word "cute". thanks.A_L: thanks , and we'd all like to have a friend like that...sKiTtLeS~ |
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Elyse Member
since 2000-04-16
Posts 414Apex (think raleigh) NC |
aww. you know, its very hard to write a poem like this and not sound trite or cliche, but you show such innocence and sweetness (and it IS cute ) that it works. I think i like it best as is. luv Elyse |
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sKiTtLeS Member
since 2000-04-12
Posts 113wisconsin, u.s.a. |
thanks Elyse! and the thing about this poem is that it was written straight out of the heart, which is why i'm glad you all enjoyed it. sKiTtLeS~ |
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bboog Member
since 2000-02-29
Posts 303Valencia, California |
Skit~ I liked the sincerity of the poem but think that it still could use a rewrite. Your thoughts seem sort of passive and incomplete. Here's what I mean. It currently reads, From you I learned to love, from you I learned to trust. It was you who taught me to give my heart, not solely out of lust. From you I learned the passions, from you I learned the pain. It was you who taught me how to fly, Despite the pouring rain. Wouldn't your thoughts be more complete by simply changing it to: I learned from you how to love a man, I learned from you how to trust. You taught me how to give my heart, not solely out of lust. I learned from you about passionate kisses, from you I learned love's pain. You taught a beginner how to fly, Despite a pouring rain. Back to the forum, don't know if this helps you or not, but I think that you might consider rewriting with an eye towards "completing your thoughts". I think that your poem would be better if you did, but that's just my 2 centavos. best regards, bboog |
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Songbird Member Elite
since 1999-12-15
Posts 2184Missouri |
I love it as it is, it has a sincere sweetness about it. I would place it in a book of memories, as it will be a reminder someday of the freshness of young love and youth. |
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