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Critical Analysis #1
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revolution
Junior Member
since 2000-04-17
Posts 20
atlanta, GA, USA

0 posted 2000-04-26 09:08 PM


i can feel the rain long before it leaks
large drops down from the undersides of clouds
i can feel the restlessness in the earth
the trees twitching nervously, the
uneasy shuffling of root-feet.
i always walked in the rain like a martyr
unflinching under hard pellets of water
a hundred paces from suffering.
in the gaze of the medusa
i harden from the outside in
staring out of agate eyes
shoulders breaking under cold weight
limbs falling solidly against trunk,
stone cracking against stone.

---------------------

heh--i just realized this is fourteen lines... don't think it'll make it as a sonnet, though...

[This message has been edited by revolution (edited 04-27-2000).]

© Copyright 2000 revolution - All Rights Reserved
Elyse
Member
since 2000-04-16
Posts 414
Apex (think raleigh) NC
1 posted 2000-04-26 11:50 PM


hey babe.  i would do stanza breaks when you change thoughts.  I love the first 2 btw, the expectation and the martyr one.  but, what are you talkin bout with this medusa thing?  it seemed very ramdom.  
luv Elyse

revolution
Junior Member
since 2000-04-17
Posts 20
atlanta, GA, USA
2 posted 2000-04-27 09:05 AM


a little back-story... i have an interest in psychology... this poem is intended to describe the experience of a person who suffers from a dissociative disorder (not multiple personalities, but something related--in this you don't become someone else in stressful periods, but just "leave" yourself: "a hundred paces from suffering.")  it's a way the minds of people have to protect themselves when something horrible is happening to the body.

that explanation (and yes, i would like it to stand on its own with the meaning i had intended for it, but as many people might not be familiar with the disorder i was describing, i will simply have to hope it works with more than one interpretation) is to address your question about the medusa.  i was struck by the image of medusa turning people to stone, as being turned to stone is very similar to how a person dissociating feels, especially since a medusa can be interpreted as a point of stress that triggers the disorder (particularly since intimidating interactions with other people is a common trigger).  however, i wanted to make it clear that changing into stone (or wood) doesn't happen instantaneously, but can leave the person watching helplessly and in agony as he/she loses his/her body.

anyway, i had considered breaking it into stanzas, and may do that.  thanks for the response.

[This message has been edited by revolution (edited 04-27-2000).]

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