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Softly Falling (edited)
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Softly Falling (edited) |
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hoppy Member
since 2000-01-27
Posts 271 |
Softly Falling I look out the window and watch the soft snow fall slowly downward till it comes to rest on the ground below. So still and peaceful the cold air seems. No sound, no breeze, nothing but snow coming down upon the ground. It falls and covers the earth little by little, stacking up on the tree limbs and covers everything in sight. Slowly, oh so slowly the land is taken over by the soft white flakes. The once hurried streets and rushed lives come to a stop and life seems to be absent. The sound of a train whistle can be heard through miles and miles of mountains. The peaceful day, nothing to worry about excpet the thoughts in your head. Your thoughts soon come to be as the snow---- soft, simple, then slowly melted away and forgotten. Written by:Hoppy < !signature--> "Any fool can make a rule, and any fool will mind it." Henry David Thoreau Don't look... you might see. Don't listen... you might hear. Don't think... you might learn. Don't walk... you might stumble. Don't run... you might fall. Don't make a decision... you might be wrong. Don't live...you might die. [This message has been edited by hoppy (edited 04-22-2000).] |
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| © Copyright 2000 Hoppy - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Elyse Member
since 2000-04-16
Posts 414Apex (think raleigh) NC |
ok, so i LOVE snow, lemme just say that now. but i think this sounds a little prosaic as is. my suggestion is to pare down -think of what you could cut and still convey what you did before. and i wouldnt say soft in two lines right next to each other. just my opinion  luv Elyse |
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bboog Member
since 2000-02-29
Posts 303Valencia, California |
Hop~ I think you should play around with words and the way you arrange them a little bit. Instead of : I look out the window and watch the soft snow fall slowly downward maybe downward, slowly, snow falls softly little by little covers earth watching me Don't know if that helps you! But good luck with it. best regards, bboog |
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hoppy Member
since 2000-01-27
Posts 271 |
thanks for the replies, i fixed the repetitive softly thing, that was getting on my nerves also, but i like the wordyness in this poem, most of my others are fast read with short lines, the more lengthy lines makes you read it slower which relates to the whole theme of the poem. There's a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line. -- Oscar Levant Don't worry about people stealing your ideas. If your ideas are any good, you'll have to ram them down people's throats. -- Howard Aiken |
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