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Critical Analysis #1
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Ryan
Member
since 1999-06-10
Posts 297
Kansas

0 posted 2000-04-15 11:44 PM


I saw Batman last night,
grappling between buildings
(tall, slender, as if they
were reaching for something more).
Beneath the blackened sky,
he sailed, so lonely.
There were no sounds, no thoughts,
only a question of where
he might be going.
And then, he vanished from
the cold streetlamp glow,
leaving me alone.
I saw Batman last night,
and thought, for a moment,
that maybe he was you.


 I like too many things and get all confused and hung-up running from one falling star to another till i drop. This is the night, what it does to you. I had nothing to offer anybody except my own confusion.
—Jack Kerouac


© Copyright 2000 Ryan Williams - All Rights Reserved
Elyse
Member
since 2000-04-16
Posts 414
Apex (think raleigh) NC
1 posted 2000-04-16 03:39 PM


wow, this is really lovely. i love the part about the buildings reaching for more. your images are wonderful, (i especially like the thought of him sailing) the flow is nice, i really enjoyed this =)
luv Elyse

Kirk T Walker
Member
since 2000-01-13
Posts 357
Liberty, MO
2 posted 2000-04-20 12:31 PM


I really liked this poem overall, I have only a couple of small suggestions, but overall this poem is very nice.

Here are my suggestions:
*Drop the lines in parenthesis, they seemed like too much of an aside (this is my personal opinion only)
*Change "a" to "the" in the line"only a question of where he might be going"


Marq
Member
since 1999-10-18
Posts 222

3 posted 2000-04-20 07:31 PM


I think you've got a good idea here, but I think you need to make it bigger and grander.  Instead of grappling how about rappelling?  And instead of wondering 'where he might be going?' how about something more picturesque like what crime/criminal/mischief/etc. will he be interrupting?  You mention seeing Batman against the tall buildings and blackened sky, then mention that he vanishes from the cold glow of the streetlamp.  Thats too contradictory.  I think the ending is pretty good, but I stand by my suggestion to make this greater and grander.  
revolution
Junior Member
since 2000-04-17
Posts 20
atlanta, GA, USA
4 posted 2000-04-20 08:23 PM


interesting poem, and not what i expected from one titled "batman."

i think the feel and mood work, but there's some tweaking that could be done.

i like the idea of the tall buildings reaching (l. 4), but "something more" struck me as not quite saying what needed to be said.  that made the line anticlimactic for me.  also, if i were writing it, i'd say something about batman being a shadow or silhouette.

lots of potential here, and quite an original idea   .

< !signature-->

 The land sustaining us seemed to hold firm
Only when we embraced it in extremis.  
All I believe happened there was vision. --Seamus Heaney



[This message has been edited by revolution (edited 04-20-2000).]

jbouder
Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534
Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash
5 posted 2000-04-20 08:39 PM


Ryan:

I've been mulling this one over in my mind for the better part of a day now and I still am not sure that I quite get what this is about.  I get the feeling that Batman is a symbol for something else but that doesn't get me very far considering that there is so much to Batman.  He is the Dark Knight (come to think of it, that might work with imagery like "blackened sky"), fearless, feared, he has cool gadgets and he is popular with the babes.  

I'm thinking you are focusing on the inaccessibility of Batman, perhaps contrasting it to the inaccessibility of someone the person in the poem desires to have a meaningful relationship with.  I am inclined to believe that all this is going on in the thoughts of the narrator because of the absense of "sound" in the poem.  There is much reference to loneliness, to darkness, to longing, to coldness and separation but nothing to sound.

Just some thoughts that have been stewing for some time.  I don't think the moment at the end was anti-climactic, by the way.  On the contrary, if my interpretation is close, I think it brings the meaning of your poem into better focus.  Thanks for the read, Ryan.  I enjoyed thinking about this one.

Jim

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