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Critical Analysis #1
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LittleBoyLost
Junior Member
since 2000-03-14
Posts 28


0 posted 2000-03-27 12:09 PM


An eyeless stream of smiling faces
Empty sockets wide with wonder
Moves along the road most traveled
Seeking shelter in the blackness
Of the dark abyss
Before the rising of the sun
That burns away the morning mists
Reveals the vastness of the sea
Their ignorance is bliss

© Copyright 2000 LittleBoyLost - All Rights Reserved
warmhrt
Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563

1 posted 2000-03-27 01:00 PM


Hi LBL,

This is superb, to say the least. The only thing I might think about changing is "ignorance is bliss", but then it fits so damn well, and doesn't seem cliched here. I loved the imagery, the word choices, the flow,...just everything! Great piece, LBL,
hope you have some more.

Kristine< !signature-->

 the poet's pen...gives to airy nothing
A local habitation and a name ~ Shakespeare


[This message has been edited by warmhrt (edited 03-27-2000).]

Not A Poet
Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885
Oklahoma, USA
2 posted 2000-03-27 01:23 PM


LBL,

I like this one too. The meter is just great, especially the way you ended each thought (unformed stanzas) with shorter lines. I think my favorite lines:

   "Moves along the road most traveled
   Seeking shelter in the blackness
   Of the dark abyss

Like Kris said, some of this seems like I have heard it before but it seems fresh and new here.

Somehow, I get the feeling there is more here than the obvious. Is there anything to that or is it just me?

Thanks.


 Pete

What terms shall I find sufficiently simple in their sublimity --
sufficiently sublime in their simplicity --
for the mere enunciation of my theme?
Edgar Allan Poe



LittleBoyLost
Junior Member
since 2000-03-14
Posts 28

3 posted 2000-03-27 02:32 PM


Kristine,

Thanks for your kind response.  I intended "Their ignorance is bliss" to drip with sarcasm so maybe this is why it didn't seem cliched to you.

Not A Poet (Pete),

There are no hidden meanings in my poem of which I am aware.     Maybe I was too vague in trying to drive my point home in describing a certain, self-defeating trap some people fall into when they simply stop wanting to know more out of fear of the unknown or whatever and the beauty revealed by growth in knowledge that those trapped people never see.  Thanks for the kind reply.

LBL  

[This message has been edited by LittleBoyLost (edited 03-27-2000).]

Tony Di Bart
Member
since 2000-01-26
Posts 160
Toronto, Canada
4 posted 2000-03-28 09:01 PM


Wow!!

I agree it seems said but, great.  It is a wonderful poem. Some poems I have to read over and over to get at the meaning, find the pace and rhyme, but not this one. Only had to read it once.

Well done
see ya

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