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Critical Analysis #1

My fantasy world

LunarFlame
New Member

since 2000-03-12

Posts 9
Nova scotia, Canada

0 posted 2000-03-12 10:27 PM

Come with me
come to my land
of cotton candy clouds
and pixie stick sands

Soda pop lakes
and peppermint stars
with a cinnamon sun
that is watched from afar

The summers are warm
and it rains lemonade
in winter it snows ice cream
as the will seasons fade

So come with me
come to my land
of cotton candy clouds
and pixie stick sands

We'll dream sweet wishes
and make them come true
in a land of sweetness
made for me and u

8oÞ much luv and marshmallows,
LunarFlame(LF)

jbouder
Member Elite

since 1999-09-18

Posts 2534
Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash

1 posted 2000-03-13 11:48 AM

L-

This is a very imaginative piece. It brought to mind Shirley Temple singing "Good Ship Lollipop". Overall, I'd say I liked this. This is Critical Analysis, though, and I feel obligated to point a few items out to you:

"of cotton candy clouds
and pixie stick sands"

I thought "cotton candy clouds" was okay but I really liked the "pixie stick sands".

"Soda pop lakes"

Being from eastern Pennsylvania, I don't associate the word "pop" with soda.

"with a cinnamon sun
that is watched from afar"

I thought "watched from afar" was a little bit disappointing.  Just my opinion.

"in winter it snows ice cream
as the will seasons fade"

I'm not sure what you mean by "as the will seasons fade".  Is this a typo?

"We'll dream sweet wishes
and make them come true
in a land of sweetness
made for me and u"

To be honest with you I felt a little let down by the ending.  The vast majority of this poem is wonderfully imaginative and, in comparison, the ending seems a little flat.  Again, just my opinion.

Thanks for posting.  I liked this.

Jim

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