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Critical Analysis #1
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Rite Of Passage(something personal that i will really like to share.pls do read it.TQ
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Critical Analysis #1
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Rite Of Passage(something personal that i will really like to share.pls do read it.TQ
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Rite Of Passage(something personal that i will really like to share.pls do read it.TQ |
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kaile
since 2000-02-06
Posts 5146singapore 
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Walking hesitantly into the hall Confident demeanour shaken Nervous faces all around Air of trepidation evident Sitting on the cold hard chair Waiting for further developments Like an animal sent to the slaughthouse Subjected to others' whims and fancies VIPs gradually arrived Speeches all around Fidgeting slightly Not comprehending completely National Service--every man's duty They preached The vital need to defend Singapore against enemies They emphasized Such sorrow!I felt The little boy in me had grown up No more crying to momma when things go wrong But charging forward at the enemy A determined glint in my eye Standing up Taking oath Pledging allegiance to Motherland Protecting her from harm always Looking around for Papa He had already left Won't be going home with him this time My home now--Nee Soon Camp A new rite of passeage The path to adulthood A period of self-searching BEGINS.... ... This was written on 22/1/00 to commemorate my coming of age as a 2nd year soldier! as u can see, this poem means a lot to me,so any criticism, any comments, any suggestions for improvements will be most appreciated.TQ"):0) |
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| © Copyright 2000 heng kaile - All Rights Reserved | |||
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kaile
since 2000-02-06
Posts 5146singapore |
sorrie,but does anyone mind giving this a read??TQ") |
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Hardrock Senior Member
since 2000-02-14
Posts 948New Hampshire, USA |
Kaile.....I don't know enough to be critical in terms of poetic structure. But as one who has "been there, done that", I got an instant feeling of what you are saying. Change the location and it fits all of us who were conscripted into military service....Bottom line: I liked it. hardrock |
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sweetcollege_girl Senior Member
since 1999-12-03
Posts 872just about where I want to be |
nice poem Kaile sorry you went through this hardrock  stay cool though  ~~Lavada~~ "For every beauty, there is an eye somewhere to see it. For every truth, there is an ear somewhere to hear it For every love, there is a heart somewhere to receive it".--Ivan Panin |
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captaincargo Member
since 1999-11-25
Posts 109Corning, N.Y. U.S.A. |
I especially liked the third stanza. It is indicative of any ceremony, whether it's the Military or the PTA. There's always someone that speaks about something that you don't quite get. When that happens to me I always wonder how many other people don't get it either. At times like that I always find myself taking surreptitious glances at other people aroundme to see if they have that "huh?" look on their faces or in their eyes.  And as far as fidgeting goes, I could win the gold at the fidget Olympics! Very nice piece, plus it tells me something about you. Thanks for sharing it. Cap. Cap. Carg. |
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kaile
since 2000-02-06
Posts 5146singapore |
thank you guys for reading this. i do wonder,Hardrock,as to your nationality.as far as i know,only singapore and taiwan males are required to be conscripted into military service. are you from either of these two nations? do entertain moi") |
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kaile
since 2000-02-06
Posts 5146singapore |
to captaincargo,does "PTA" stand for "Parent Teacher Association"? do entertain moi") |
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Littlewings Member
since 1999-09-19
Posts 62 |
It seems no one is taking this seriously.I think it is a beautiful piece that spells out in detailed words , your exact feelings.It is wonderful that you feel so much pride.I love it.Good job. |
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Mon Cherie
since 2001-10-31
Posts 922Land of Never-ending Summers |
*Sigh* I suddenly feel so proud of you and ALL the other Singaporean guyz who have to spend 2.5 years serving our nation, learning how to protect women, children and land from harm... Gosh! That must have been a very lonely feeling, being there all alone, looking around yet finding your dad has left. I think I can identify with this... "A new rite of passeage The path to adulthood A period of self-searching BEGINS.... ..." -- Does this explain why most guyz change so much after National Service?? Well, 3 cheers for NSmen! Hip hip hurray!! Hip hip hurray!! Hip hip hurray!! |
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
kaile...is that you? It's been awhile. I hope you are doing well. I thought the poem was well done for one in your position. It is difficult to imagine the anxiety one must feel, but you bring us a bit closer to that moment. I like your use of common language, as it relates more to the "every man". Take care, Kris "It is wisdom to know others; |
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Rite Of Passage(something personal that i will really like to share.pls do read it.TQ
