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Ted Reynolds
Member
since 1999-12-15
Posts 331


0 posted 2000-02-16 04:03 PM


                          #61 of 14,000

This IS supposed to be a poem.  It's metric, but the metre changes as we go.  One of the parameters (love that word!) I want an opinion on is whether readers would prefer it broken up into lines according to metre.

            THE BAG OF MAGIC TRICKS

     Step right up, folks, and observe the great magician, the whole world up his sleeve, nothing in his hat, keep your eye upon his hand is quicker than the eye, gents and ladies, can you tell us how he does it, as he reaches deep into his empty bag of magic tricks, and pulls out . . .
     A pack of playing cards.
     Choose a card, sir, any card, sir, and you've got the Queen of Hearts, sir.  Yes, you do, you can't deny it, love sits right there on your shoulder.  Not a thing to do about it.  If you'd picked the Jack of Diamonds, now you'd be a wealthy man, sir.  Sorry, but I cannot change it.  Have to play the card you've picked out.  That's the luck of chance, my dear sir.  Reaches back into the depths of the amazing bag and pulls out . . .
     Levitation.
     Yes, sir, up you go.  Right up into the blue sky.  Walk on air, you know you like it.  Let the whole crowd look up at you, mouths agape and pointing upwards.  Look at that guy walk on air there, is he crazy? how's he do it?  No, I'll tell you how it's done, folks, just don't spread the secret further.  He's been pumped up full of love.  Reaches back in that astounding bag of magic tricks and pulls out . . .
     The cut-a-woman-in-half performance.  
     Now she's whole and now divided, house-wife here, manager there; slice again, she's mother, poet, scholar, climber, you just name it, pieces of her everywhere.  You want put back together, ma'am?  Sorry, we don't have the time now.  Maybe in tomorrow's show.  Reaches back in that uncanny bag of magic tricks and pulls out . . .
     The magic set of linking rings.
     Now you see they're quite divided, each one is outside the other, looping their own separate orbits.  But one twist and (presto, chango) now you see your ring is linked, sir, right within the lady's ring, it can't escape, it is entangled.  But the lady's ring, you'll notice, isn't under like confinement.  IT is free to come and go in any way.  How can this happen?  In the world of magic, folks, all things can happen.  And he reaches into his infernal bag of magic tricks and this time brings out . . .
     The disappearing lady.  
     Here she is, yes, now you see her, but I wave my hand and snap my fingers and, before your eyes, she vanishes.  Where did she go?  Into the mists of space and time from whence she came, but you might check out Louisiana


[At that point, my muse abruptly left me.  Suggestions are welcome.]  


© Copyright 2000 Ted Reynolds - All Rights Reserved
J.L. Humphres
Member
since 2000-01-03
Posts 201
Alabama
1 posted 2000-02-16 04:10 PM


Ted,
  I liked this, seems like it reads better as prose. I like the idea, love is an illusion, too true.
                    J.L.H.

 Jason
I...I have seen the best minds of my generation...
--Allen Ginsberg

rich-pa
Member
since 2000-02-07
Posts 317
New Orleans, Louisiana
2 posted 2000-02-16 07:02 PM


i don't know how poetic it was, i'm gonna have to say it reads better as prose...maybe if you tweaked it you could fix that, i dug the whole thing itself though, i thought it was cool in a psychadelic sort of way...by the way, i'm looking around and i don't think she's in louisiana
jbouder
Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534
Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash
3 posted 2000-02-17 10:33 PM


Ted:

I understand what you mean about your muse leaving you abruptly.  And just when I was looking forward to the dark twist that followed the "Bag of Tricks" becoming "infernal".  I'm not going to touch the poetry/prose thing (don't want to get into a 30 post debate with Jenni, you understand).  

You've an interesting story line going here.  Maybe this doesn't play into your 7,000 poem share of this project but I see this taking a darker turn.  I suppose the only thing I don't like about this is how often I've heard "Step right up folks".  I think the number is in the neighborhood of 14,000, actually.    

I think what this might need is direction.  Where do want to take this?  Like I mentioned earlier, "infernal" hints of something dark to come.  Perhaps throw a few more subtle hints of the imminent darkness earlier in the poem.  Tarot cards may make an interesting difference also.  There really isn't much you can do with a standard deck of cards that already hasn't been done.  The Ace of Spades is so heavily laden with the label "The Death Card" that any strength it had as an image in the past is long dead.  The Tarot cards are still pretty obscure to the average person but with some fleshing out I think you could draw the reader in.

I know that this would probably take some research on your part and I am only offering a suggestion.  I asked myself the question, "What would spook me?" and that's what I came up with.  I guess I'm not in the mood for a happy ending tonight.

Thanks for the read, Ted.  Let me know when this is finished.

Jim

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