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Darkened Silence
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Darkened Silence |
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angel girl Member
since 1999-07-23
Posts 322within a whisper... |
Darkened Silence hear my calls. Release from these binding walls. That lock me inside my own agony, And keep me there eternally. My pain is becoming too hard to bare, And soon I will not even care. My jumbled emotions control my life. And then I look down at the knife. It would be so easy to give up and die, But I cannot do it, I can only cry. So I let the knife drop to the floor, And I walk out the kitchen door. I don't know what I will do next, Because my life is so complex. So now I call on you, Darkened Silence, my friend, Because for me, pain has no end. |
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| © Copyright 1999 Liz - All Rights Reserved | |||
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JP Senior Member
since 1999-05-25
Posts 1343Loomis, CA |
I did not reply to this in the open forum but since you put it here, twice, I will. The depth of feeling in this work is compelling (I mean no offence or disrespect, nor do I want you to think I don't care about you, but I won't launch into the "everything will be alright" routine). Where was ? Oh yes, very moving, very haunting. The flow was a bit rough in places, check out the first two lines of the second verse - it seems a bit forced. Overall, I like it (however much someone could "like" a dark work as this), but I would like to see it massaged a bit and reposted. ------------------ Dum spiro, spero JP |
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PartiStarks Junior Member
since 1999-07-31
Posts 38Brooklyn, NY |
Nice, but try and keep a steady rhythm by counting syllables. It makes the poem flow smoothly. |
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angel girl Member
since 1999-07-23
Posts 322within a whisper... |
Sorry, I didn't mean to post this one twice here. My computer has been acting up, and doing some weird things. I will try to work on this some more and repost it. Thanks to the both of you. |
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