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She wanted to know...
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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She wanted to know... |
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faith Member
since 2000-01-31
Posts 89 |
She wanted to know what love was so bad, He was out to hurt ,but she took his hand, And so a story was written , sad yet true, Now she is gone, she left no clue , When he asked her for love one angry night, It will be like no other he said , well touch new heights, She gave him her smile,and let herself be held , He marveled at his powers , this hate that he felt, He shoved her up against a wall , and poured in evil of his, Making her whimper and plead , poisoning her newfound bliss, What was left later is too gruesome to be told, As he stood back and watched death unfold, She lied in a corner and her dreams Un -dreamt, God was remorseful for the devil he had sent, Her body so dark , a truth no one could claim, As the wind sadly ate that dying flame!sf |
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mister61 Junior Member
since 1999-08-12
Posts 41bergen county, nj |
This started out great, but seems to lose its rhythm after the first stanza. While the language seems carefully chosen, I don't think it matches the tone of what's actually happening with these two people. And one question: if the rest is "too gruesome to be told," why start to begin with? In other words, why go halfway? |
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J.L. Humphres Member
since 2000-01-03
Posts 201Alabama |
Faith, I really found this to be a wonderful idea for a poem. Your imagery is very good. The rhythym however falters a bit. The last line is genious. With the slightest rewrites here and there this is a wonderful poem. Thanks for the read. JH Jason I...I have seen the best minds of my generation... --Allen Ginsberg |
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