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Critical Analysis #1
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Enchantress
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Enchantress |
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paladin
since 2001-08-05
Posts 930Pensacola,Fl. 
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I rode in a forest dark and deep On an ancient path often hard to see Night came quicly as I paused to sleep Near a dying fire beside a fallen tree At the edge of the embers feeble glow appeard a vision in a long flowing gown She was crowned with flame red hair and green eyes of a graceful doe Her gown was blue with a cloak of brown She stood unmoving with her head held high Warmth flowed over me as I gazed into her face She begain to sing like a summer breeze sigh I thought an enchantress in this lonely place My warrior sense sent warning,beware,beware I drew my sword and sprang qiuckly to my feet Laughingly she said Sire do give a care For your sword of iron I will surly defeat swiftly my sword fell from my shaking hand I stood there transfixed as if made of stone She walked slowly over to where I stood Like emeralds her green eyes shown I know I can easily enchant you sire Forever I would own you as my slave I am no knight in need of a squire A lover now is the only thing I crave She melted into my eager willing arms I hungerly drank from her moist honeyed lips Now come and sleep with me and banish all fears The morning came through with soft forest light Alas,I found beside me slept no enchantress maid Ah,only a dream a dream of false delight A thing of my mind that loneliness has made As I spurred my horse to leave this place My eyes fell upon a a token given so rare A warm breeze caressed my lips and face On my glove was pinned a locket of red hair [This message has been edited by paladin (edited 08-11-2001).] |
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| © Copyright 2001 Robert E. Jackson - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Midnitesun
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647Gaia |
What a fun one to read! In the second line, why not "an ancient path", also maybe "appeared a vision in a long gown that did flow" ??? Just a couple of changes that may improve the rhyme scheme. Midnitesun |
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Abby Junior Member
since 2001-08-12
Posts 12Texas |
I loved this and as I read it, I could imagine the whole scene unfolding. Your imagery was wonderful and it read like a novel. Everyone has their own style that's what makes a person unique. I wouldn't change a thing. Cheers! [This message has been edited by Abby (edited 08-12-2001).] |
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MoonShadow Senior Member
since 2001-08-02
Posts 943Dark side of the Moon. |
Wonderful. Looks like a keeper "As Is". |
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Enchantress Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113Canada eh. |
Exceptionately well written. But then, I wouldn't expect any less coming from you. I feel almost as though it were written for me... |
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Enchantress Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113Canada eh. |
... 'I know you I walked with you..once upon a dream.' Robert, dear Robert..I didn't know you had left us for something greater up above. I miss you more than ever and I send you lots of love. You will live on through your writing, I only wish I'd known... Your brother Ken let me know today.. and I just can't say good-bye..not yet. So, I will read your poetry, weep for what we all have lost. And I shall never ever forget you. For it was you who introduced me to Passions. Of all the things in me that I could never be ... Of the true kept hidden from view, the best parts of my heart were the ones touched by you. ~Rest in peace, my gallant knight~ Your Enchantress |
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scorpio Member Ascendant
since 2002-10-02
Posts 5178right...there |
Truly sad news. Paladin's words disappeared from this site awhile ago. I missed his insightful writting. But I had no idea that he had passed away. I will quietly remember him today... believe in what your heart feels... |
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Marge Tindal
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
Oh my ... this news truly saddens my heart~  This poet ... who shared so much ... though now gone from this earthly plain, shall remain forever in my heart~ EnchantressMyFriend~ I did not know how you came to us ... but I am forever in thankful debt to Robert~ I'm so sorry~ So very, very sorry for this loss~ *HUGLETS*  ~*Marge*~ ~*The sound of a kiss is not as strong as that of a cannon, but it's echo endures much longer*~ |
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