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Critical Analysis #1
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Love's Law (from Kess's Personification Wk'shop)
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Love's Law (from Kess's Personification Wk'shop) |
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Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
Love, it is so clear to me what trade you ply, My sometime friend and sometime deadly foe, It is so clear to me now chained and locked within a broken mind, How finally I tried your calculated patience too far. ~ In youth I stood before the Bench, While you with magisterial but gentle judgement rapped upon my wand’ring wrists. “Desist or learn to suffer at my hands” you said, And, heedless, I with heart strong pace the energies of tender years proceeded to abuse and waste. ~ And now too late I know you were so kind, Softening each Sentence with parole or time away for good behaviour. Your laws applied so lightly that I barely felt the hurt; just lazy luxurious lust. But in years your sage advice seeped through me, Bathing my red-filled sense with sense and calm, Then rarely was I called before your court, And gladly paid your meagre rendered fee, Believing that my future bliss was bought. ~ And now, too late, I know my arrogance and pride, The smug conceit with which I stole your help, still sure that I could carve my life from shards of stubborn strength if you refused my brief. The law you taught me well I outwardly applied with hypocritical consistency and even tears when called for by your script. Yet client to your cause I still remained. The change began the day we met beneath the door to your enchanted rooms and entered heart in heart. And Love, you loved her from the first and took her side, You lightly laid your ageless hand upon her head and undertook by Deed to nurture and to guide. ~ Then truly I repaid her truth and gladly bowed to you, And for a sweet and close bound age it seemed whispers were sealed With more than smoky red run wax or patterns pressed into Thin skin. Just for a short eternity I meekly kneeled (youthful again) before your grand assize. This time you smiled And filled the empty altar vows with something more than cant And made them more than quick cheap bedroom visas neatly filed In some dead sexless crypt. Yet even as you rose puissant Within that part of me I wryly call my heart; I fell. Such gentle murder of her trust, such soft deception done While still invoking that which she believed she knew so well; Your name. So delicately did I crack the Seal and shun Your law, while you in anguish saw her shrivel in my care Her futile wide eyed search for me in you; and me not there. ~ Love it is so clear to me now, at my last Appeal Why you, stern-hearted, should reject my further plea. Condemn if you will, but first consider this: Did you ever deal with her, The way you dealt with me? |
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jenni Member
since 1999-09-11
Posts 478Washington D.C. |
philip-- wow... this is a remarkable, wonderful piece, quite creative, and very powerful. i like the building strength, your stanzas going from 6 to 8, 10, 12, then 14 lines before the end. the 14-line section is interesting also; rhyming (unlike the other sections of the piece) abab cdcd efef gg ... a curious type of sonnet, almost, in iambic septameter (7 beats per line). absolutely beautiful. (although i must say i don't like the rhyme of 'cant' and 'puissant', which i, at least, pronounce 'cant' and 'PWASS-ent'.) i appreciate and admire your use of legal terminology here, very well done indeed. allegories can frequently get out of hand, but you kept everything perfectly under control. even putting legal terminology aside, your word choice here is remarkable. my one concern with the piece is the opening stanza, where Love is described as the speaker's 'sometime friend and sometime deadly foe'. i just don't think that fits with Love as a judge. an opposing litigant, perhaps, but not a judge. at all events, i think that line might flow better without the two 'sometimes', and 'deadly foe' was a little over the top, in my opinion. from your second stanza to the end, though, you more than make up for it. like i said before, this is simply brilliant. very, very nice work, philip. thanks for a captivating and provocative read. jenni |
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
Philip, This poem is superb...I don't feel my comments could even do it justice. I do not know much about law or legal terms, but the rest I know all too well. Wonderful work, Philip, Kris "We of the craft are all crazy..." Lord Byron |
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
Philip: I suppose it's no surprise to you that I can say more than just "wow", although "wow" is certainly amongst the words I would choose to describe my reaction to it. I won't be sending any *hugs*, though. Kristine has done enough already to damage the macho facade ... er ... image I am trying to preserve. I see more than a personification/anthropomorphism of love here, Philip. There are certain theological allusions I detected including the law (of love), a concept of grace and mercy, and altar vows, to name a few. The depth of thought in this is refreshing. This is an interesting format too. A graduated increase in stanza length, a blank verse (metrical but non-rhyming) with occasional internal rhymes, and a sonnet thrown in to boot. I must admit that you slipped that one by me during my first read. I think this was probably because of your use of words that rhymed but look different from their rhymed partner. One questions: Do you really sound out all of the syllables of "FI-nal-LY" when you speak this word aloud? I notice this in most of your lyrical writing. I think we Americans tend to shorten the second syllable of words like this which causes the word to sound more line "FIN'L-ly". Technically there is nothing wrong with what you are doing so maybe I simply need to get Hooked on Phonics or something. Your being a surveyor, btw, explains quite a bit about your pedantic tendencies as well as your working knowledge of legalese.  Later (that south-central PA colloquialism I told you about). The Whiffling JimBouderWocky |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Hi Philip, Well, I must say I enjoyed this as much here as I did in the workshop. The personification is just excellent. It makes one think a bit about just what you really are writing about. Well done. Thanks again. Pete What terms shall I find sufficiently simple in their sublimity -- sufficiently sublime in their simplicity -- for the mere enunciation of my theme? Edgar Allan Poe |
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Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
A while coming back to you all I know ... apologies. Jenni Superlatives like that from you !! It seems a long time since we met in a garden, I just hope that you are applying the same rigorous pruning technique that you exhibited then .. or is closer acquaintance softening the hard geometry of my words ... lol. The “building strength” I thought of as serving several purposes .. that and the lengthening stanzas (8 lines of 8 syllables, 10 lines of 10 syllables, 12 of 12 etc) I hoped led one to imagine the aging of the speaker both in terms of years and experience. Additionally I tried to make the language slightly more complex as the poem progressed, again to indicate a greater maturity. The sonnet was there to coincide with the speaker entering into a serious romance, marrying and then the liaison going tragically wrong. You are possibly right about cant and puissant, I probably wrongly pronounce the latter “ant”. Your perception is remarkable Jenny. The first stanza was written some two weeks before the remainder at a time when i saw Love as a lawyer who would act both for and against the speaker ... hence the wording and the different style. Later the poem seemed to slant towards Love being a Judge and i did not revisit the first stanza .. I’ll now rewrite it. I don’t like deadly foe .. and you know of course where “sometime” comes from ...lol Thank you Jenni for your kind comments Thanks Kristine. Pete thank you as well. Jim ....... lol..... you’ll never believe me I know but I’m outta time .. I’ll come back on your comments tomorrow , but thanks in advance. Philip |
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Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
I suppose it's no surprise to you that I can say more than just "wow", although "wow" is certainly amongst the words I would choose to describe my reaction to it. >> Nothing you do is a surprise Jim ... oh except if you were to stop writing sonnets ..lol Thanks for the "wow". I won't be sending any *hugs*, though. >> I'm devastated Kristine has done enough already to damage the macho facade ... er ... image I am trying to preserve. >> facade was right .. lol I see more than a personification/anthropomorphism of love here, Philip. There are certain theological allusions I detected including the law (of love), a concept of grace and mercy, and altar vows, to name a few. The depth of thought in this is refreshing. >> yes I suppose you're right Jim although to be honest those aspects just kind crept into the poem as it progressed. The altar vows and indeed the whole of the first part of the sonnet I was pleased with though. It was a time when for the first time in his life the speaker took Love seriously and treated it with more than casual obeisance. He had of course met his "true love", his partner. >>This is the watershed of the poem. She has spent her life being "true" to Love he on the other hand has spent his life wasting his affections in "riotous living". The question is, can he turn aside from the old ways and be obedient to the Law and be worthy of her? Thus for a brief time a "short eternity" (ie it seems an eternity of bliss for the newly born speaker but is in reality but a short span), the speaker sustains his newly found integrity. The altar vows of course refer to the marriage. Perhaps a slightly cynical look at marriage in general - "empty altar vows", and the marriage certificate "quick cheap bedroom visas" which however when blessed by Love become something more meaningful. Then the "fall" ... unfaithfulness. This is an interesting format too. A graduated increase in stanza length, a blank verse (metrical but non-rhyming) with occasional internal rhymes, and a sonnet thrown in to boot. I must admit that you slipped that one by me during my first read. I think this was probably because of your use of words that rhymed but look different from their rhymed partner. >> I commented on this in reply to Jenni One questions: Do you really sound out all of the syllables of "FI-nal-LY" when you speak this word aloud? I notice this in most of your lyrical writing. I think we Americans tend to shorten the second syllable of words like this which causes the word to sound more line "FIN'L-ly". Technically there is nothing wrong with what you are doing >> you're dead right there isn't !!.. wasn't it us who sailed to your place and then something in the air over there stopped us speaking properly. so maybe I simply need to get Hooked on Phonics or something. >> Finally is three distinct syllables ... hey now you're a moderator you can move the audio along .... Your being a surveyor, btw, explains quite a bit about your pedantic tendencies >> Huh ..... surveyors pedantic .. first I knew!! Thanks for the time you spent on this Jim Philip |
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