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Open Poetry #50
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Before I Rest
| Open Poetry #50 |
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Before I Rest |
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JL Member Ascendant
since 2004-04-01
Posts 6128Texas, USA |
Before I Rest Each night before I rest, I sing a prayer for you – Just humble gratitude for your gorgeous smile, your voice and your lovely heart. I hold you in my thoughts – tightly squeezing with my arms around you. I pray you good health – joy and happiness, and a little quietness as you may need. I pray for honeysuckle-fragrance sprinkled in your hair and all around. Even humming birds seem to delight in you – I can see them darting in and out –in a medley of their distinctive sound. Such a delight… Such a delightful… and captivating dream… such a very gorgeous sight – you in my thoughts and dreams… as sleep turns out the light… |
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OwlSA Member Rara Avis
since 2005-11-07
Posts 9347Durban, South Africa |
Very beautiful, JL. I am sure she loves it.  |
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JL Member Ascendant
since 2004-04-01
Posts 6128Texas, USA |
Thanks, OwlSA. Very kind reply. "She" is Only in my dreams. JL |
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Paul Wilson
since 2002-07-07
Posts 4711United States |
JL...Enjoyed very much. I hope your dreams come true one day...Paul The only thing I would suggest is in the last line make it 3 lines like this Even humming birds seem to delight in you I can see them darting in and out In a medley of their distinctive sound. ~~To share my poems with you is to share my heart with you~~ Paul |
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JL Member Ascendant
since 2004-04-01
Posts 6128Texas, USA |
Paul. Thanks for the input and kind reply. Last lines were supposed to give the reader the feeling of falling off to sleep... Sorry I didn't do such a good job. I'll try harder next time to get it right. Thanks again... JL |
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Paul Wilson
since 2002-07-07
Posts 4711United States |
JL...There is no right or wrong. If that's how you wanted it then so be it. Maybe at the end of that line say As I close my eyes and drift off to sleep, to convey how you want the reader to imagine...Paul Take care my friend ~~To share my poems with you is to share my heart with you~~ |
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roger24 New Member
since 2019-12-15
Posts 4 |
she is so lucky to have you. |
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JL Member Ascendant
since 2004-04-01
Posts 6128Texas, USA |
Thank you, Roger24. JL |
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Lori Grosser Rhoden Member Patricius
since 2009-10-10
Posts 10202Fair to middlin' of nowhere |
JL, You said she was only in your dreams...well dream on and keep writing! this was beautiful! ~L |
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JL Member Ascendant
since 2004-04-01
Posts 6128Texas, USA |
Thank you, Lori. Very kind and nice of you. JL |
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jwesley Member Rara Avis
since 2000-04-30
Posts 7563Spring, Texas |
Jl - Thoroughly enjoyed this piece my friend and just a thought - after reading your reply to Paul, "Last lines were supposed to give the reader the feeling of falling off to sleep". Maybe something like : "Even Humming Birds seem to delight in you, darting in and out, lulling with a medley of distinctive sound. Such a delight, Such a delightful . . . " Lulling being the connection to sleepiness. And I agree with Paul - there is no right or wrong. j. |
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Michael
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-13
Posts 7666California |
Been watching this thread...and the suggestions to it. I liked the original ending... though thought it might read softer as: "As sleep shuts out the light." Yeah, I'm a sucker for alliteration. Overall though, I just enjoyed the read. The reader can *feel the moment. |
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JL Member Ascendant
since 2004-04-01
Posts 6128Texas, USA |
Thank you so much. JL |
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ethome Member Patricius
since 2000-05-14
Posts 11858New Brunswick Canada |
Lovely thoughts, the heartfelt expression is in depth....Good work! true love never looks after it's own interests |
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