»
Archives
»
Open Poetry #49
»
The Cup of Spring
| Open Poetry #49 |
|
The Cup of Spring |
|
|
secondhanddreampoet Member Ascendant
since 2006-11-07
Posts 6394a 'Universalist' ! 
|
The Cup of Spring A soft Southern wind murmurs quietly through the willows. The tall-cloud sky stretches to infinity above a thousand tiny, fragile reawakening things. The first wildflower and butterfly dance with the rising mist to dawn-meadow bird songs. Along this deep-forest edge, in the gentle warmth of the new morning star, everywhere there are seductive offerings to drink from the cup of Spring. --- b. e adams (3/30/2014) |
||
| © Copyright 2014 Bruce E. Adams Jr. - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
Lori Grosser Rhoden Member Patricius
since 2009-10-10
Posts 10202Fair to middlin' of nowhere |
I really like this poem a lot. I reread it and realized something... Here is some constructive advice Bruce. You might try experimenting with line breaks. You have some really sweet phrases that could be best served by maybe holding a line by themselves. For example: A soft Southern wind murmurs quietly through the willows. The tall-cloud sky stretches to infinity above a thousand tiny, fragile reawakening things. The first wildflower and butterfly dance with the rising mist to the dawn-meadow bird songs along this deep-forest edge, in the gentle warmth of the new morning star, as everywhere there are seductive offerings to drink from the cup of Spring. Just a suggestion...Don't shoot me  !Lori |
||
|
secondhanddreampoet Member Ascendant
since 2006-11-07
Posts 6394a 'Universalist' ! |
good point indeed! ... actually, it needed even a little more "editing beyond that which you correctly suggested!" ... thanks! |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
