In the deepest jungles of Somerset
Where the cider apples grow
I met my fate by an old farm gate
In the arms Chiswick Flo
~
Fetchingly clad in dungarees
Sucking an old cheroot
Cracking walnuts between her pretty toes
Oh my! She did look cute
~
She was a big girl, a bonny girl
With a kiss that made my toenails curl
A hug that took my breath away
And fractured seven vertebrae
~
She pulled me to her bosom
God! I nearly disappeared
Not only couldn’t I bloody see
I couldn’t even hear
~
But keep your skinny plastic dolls
Dressed in lace and folderol’s
Big is very beautiful and bigger even more
Now to bed, she’s calling me
A call I daren’t ignore
*
Note: Chiswick is pronounced Chis-ick
*
I was stopped in London by three American girls who asked “Do you speak English?”
“Er-yes, I think we invented it”