I’m the bearer of priceless things
Golden Bracelets, diamond rings
Spend, spend, I’ll foot the bill
If you will only say “I will”
~
We’ll purchase a mansion in Milton Keynes
To satisfy your wildest dreams
I’ll hang a Renoir in the hall
Escort you to the Debutants ball
~
Two expensive cars, a cracking pair
Both in yellow to match your hair
A Lamborghini and a Porsche
An egg for Easter, Faberge of course
~
I’ll treasure you in every way
Pleasure you by night and day
Ignore your squint and nervous twitches
Scratch your back just where it itches
~
So you’re lucky, don’t you see
To have found a gorgeous guy like me
What, you’re leaving now, are you sure?
Ok doll, just shut the door
*
*


Girls, don’t fall for chat up lines. Take half what a guy tells you on a first date, then divide by half again to get somewhere near the truth. But spare a thought for us poor males. If we had only our good looks and sparkling personality to rely on, I for one would have probably ended up with Quasimodo’s daughter.