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Okay Ice . . . A Septcouplet . . .
| Open Poetry #49 |
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Okay Ice . . . A Septcouplet . . . |
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JerryPat2 Member Laureate
since 2011-02-06
Posts 16975South Louisiana 
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Original form of poetry I call "Septcouplet;" from Septette (A set of seven similar things considered as a unit) and couplet (Two successive lines of verse forming a unit marked usually by rhythmic correspondence, rhyme.) The Septcouplet consists of seven free-style verses, with six lines each, no syllable count. After each verse there are two lines which rhyme, with four syllables to each line. The style is lowercase, except for proper names, punctuation when needed inside the lines, but none at the end of lines. <><><><><><> FIRST DEADLY SIN . . . PRIDE deliriously gifted and self absorbed sits like a pasha waiting for figs and tea to be served born lacking the capability to care about others a unimportant man serving noble causes his self-esteem infuriating as Chinese arithmetic no man on earth is worth his worth hepatitis of the ego inward turned eyes finds no soul symphony in his head beats out rhythm of his importance most used word . . . I he thinks he's swell self-esteem hell grossly overweight in the id region of his brain degree from college of me mind altering course on conceit and/or smugness illegal drugs not nearly as deadly his flame burns with egotistical chutzpah, concealing goodness like brontosaurus foreskin we look at you and we see through you feel important like leaders of tiny nations bluster and rant with rodent-like characteristics smiling a smile that never reaches your eyes you think you are larger than God you touch yourself your soul's bereft you sport pawnshop brass balls unflattering nymphomaniac of self-esteem church of the condescending your luminosity glows with superciliousness shallow man, gloms onto whatever makes him bigger than the rest never content image for rent no one can see the true scope of this man he belittles Donne's adage no man is an island the five senses not nearly enough to appreciate the magnitude of this man with the cutthroat glare proud to a fault himself exalt vast mind of bravura desolation he tends to his own chamber of commerce his gaze locked inward serial narcissistically predisposed spent his whole life compulsively seeking outward meaning when, at the end life was pretend ©February 11, 2006 / Jerry Pat Bolton ~ If they give you ruled paper, write sideways. ~ |
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| © Copyright 2016 Jerry Pat Bolton - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Margherita Member Seraphic
since 2003-02-08
Posts 22236Eternity |
Well, dear Jerry, I am impressed by your work. You have written about Pride in quite a fascinating, very creative way. I did not know this particular form of Poem. Not only are you a very good Poet, but also an expert of these special forms. Chapeau! Margherita "Forget every touch or sound that did not teach you how to dance." |
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JerryPat2 Member Laureate
since 2011-02-06
Posts 16975South Louisiana |
Thank you, Margherita. I appreciate your kind words. The Septcouplet is my creation, my friend. ~ If they give you ruled paper, write sideways. ~ |
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Margherita Member Seraphic
since 2003-02-08
Posts 22236Eternity |
Wow! Your own creation, then I have a further reason to congratulate myself with you, dear Jerry!  |
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JerryPat2 Member Laureate
since 2011-02-06
Posts 16975South Louisiana |
Okay, Margherita, I just thought you should know. ~ If they give you ruled paper, write sideways. ~ [This message has been edited by JerryPat2 (02-11-2016 07:44 PM).] |
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quatro04 Junior Member Posts 12 |
Very interesting write. Pride is a deadly thing and is at the root of evil. You have described it very well here. I will be back to read it again. Thanks for sharing. |
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JerryPat2 Member Laureate
since 2011-02-06
Posts 16975South Louisiana |
Thank you very much, quatro04 . . . I appreciate your thoughts! ~ If they give you ruled paper, write sideways. ~ |
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JerryPat2 Member Laureate
since 2011-02-06
Posts 16975South Louisiana |
Since you asked for it, Ice, thank you for showing up. ~ If they give you ruled paper, write sideways. ~ |
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ice Member Elite
since 2003-05-17
Posts 3404Pennsylvania |
Sprry Jerry. My wife had some problems we had to take care of... Saw this briefly, but no chance to study it properly until this morning. It is a very interesting form. I like the way it swings through intense explanantion, and then the stanza is brought clearly into light, by just two effective lines. "no one can see the true scope of this man he belittles Donne's adage no man is an island the five senses not nearly enough to appreciate the magnitude of this man with the cutthroat glare" Deep thought expressed indeed.. But the "kicker" says it all.. "proud to a fault himself exalt" It seems a hard form to end, could go on, and on...like a Renga... But you ended it very well...something I have to work very hard at..or perhaps there is no end? the end of a poem, sometimes is just a place to catch your breath...like you do when you read stanzas in Ginsbergs "Howl" No rest until the end, and leaves you breathless " when, at the end life was pretend " You don't use punctuation, a good thing in this poem...and that makes the reader breathless...a good thing, like a continual striking of flint on flint to gain the spark of the short lines, there is a little smoke, but the reader must strke the flint on flint again as the next stanza starts..in order to gain a Perect ending, that reflects on the subjects in the larger stanzas.. Bravo! "Poetry is an echo, asking a shadow to dance." |
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MissMarti Member Posts 87 USA |
This is very interesting! I could never write anything like this! So impressive! "You will never regret being kind!" |
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JerryPat2 Member Laureate
since 2011-02-06
Posts 16975South Louisiana |
Thank you Ice. Hope your wife's problems have been taking care of. I guess I jumped the gun concerning your no response, and I sincerely apologize. Thank you also for the indepth comments you gave the Septcouplet, very much appreciated. ~ If they give you ruled paper, write sideways. ~ |
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JerryPat2 Member Laureate
since 2011-02-06
Posts 16975South Louisiana |
Many thanks, MissMarti, but you could write a Septcouplet, it is really a pretty basic and an easy to write form. ~ If they give you ruled paper, write sideways. ~ |
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