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Open Poetry #49
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JerryPat2
Member Laureate
since 2011-02-06
Posts 16975
South Louisiana

0 posted 2015-11-07 08:42 AM


the stench of garbage
faint smell of Charlie perfume
ice skates askew in the meandering hallway
Pine Sol
lingering in the dead air of the tenement
dark in the corridor
squalling kid somewhere
cigarette smoke filtered from rooms
strains of Bonanza on television
all lightbulbs busted out
worked to our benefit
heard the swish of your nylons
as you walked ahead of me
seemed to know where you were going
hall deadened
you groped for something in the dark
we quietly eased inside
utility closet
you reached above your head
pulled the light cord
would you believe it came on

we fornicated
by raw light

later
driving home
I said
I get to pick the place next time
it's our game
we're never bored

©November 6, 2015 / Jerry Pat Bolton



~*~ When they give you ruled paper write sideways. ~*~

[This message has been edited by JerryPat2 (11-08-2015 10:18 AM).]

© Copyright 2015 Jerry Pat Bolton - All Rights Reserved
Redstart
Senior Member
since 2014-05-16
Posts 535

1 posted 2015-11-07 01:24 PM


Loved the raw power of this poem. A story of moments experienced. I've heard that swish of nylon.
JerryPat2
Member Laureate
since 2011-02-06
Posts 16975
South Louisiana
2 posted 2015-11-07 01:30 PM


Oh,  and doesn't nylons make the most exquisite sound,Redstart. Thank you for your thoughts on my poem.

~*~ When they give you ruled paper write sideways. ~*~

2islander2
Member Ascendant
since 2008-03-12
Posts 6825
by the sea
3 posted 2015-11-08 02:06 AM


hi Jerry, we have to definitively pick up the place, but sometimes we don't choose the moment,so.....  enjoyed reading this "crude" poem


yann

JerryPat2
Member Laureate
since 2011-02-06
Posts 16975
South Louisiana
4 posted 2015-11-08 07:34 AM


"crude" yann?

~*~ When they give you ruled paper write sideways. ~*~

2islander2
Member Ascendant
since 2008-03-12
Posts 6825
by the sea
5 posted 2015-11-08 08:00 AM


opps, let say like redstart, rather raw and very descriptive


yann

jwesley
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-04-30
Posts 7563
Spring, Texas
6 posted 2015-11-08 10:16 AM


The reader got to see everything Jerry,
your descriptions were perfect. One watched a film, not read the words.

Well done.

j.

JerryPat2
Member Laureate
since 2011-02-06
Posts 16975
South Louisiana
7 posted 2015-11-08 10:18 AM


Thanks, Jimmy. What a class comment.

~*~ When they give you ruled paper write sideways. ~*~

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