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JerryPat2
Member Laureate

since 2011-02-06

Posts 16975
South Louisiana

0 posted 2014-10-28 07:37 PM

I have forgiven everyone
except one person
I have made statements about her
that I forgave her
I wanted to
I tried to
I lied and said I forgave her
I'm sorry
the felony of her soul
can never be just ancient history
I walk about
calm and savoring these last years
but the cold dark
relentlessly thoughts send me reminders
almost daily
what transpired back then
it's a stinging ache
dark reminder of my whole existence
repugnant lies
changed who I am forever
with an old age mirror image
disfigured through and through
my soul
it's an internal beheading
which no matter how long you live
nothing can make it all
go away
to make it go away
I would have to surrender a piece of myself
I can never do that
she is not be worthy of my forgiveness

©October 28, 2014 / Jerry Pat Bolton

If they give you ruled paper write sideways.

Gale
Senior Member

since 2013-06-10

Posts 578
Russia

1 posted 2014-10-29 05:26 AM

Jerry, I'm sorry that you've been hurt so much.

JerryPat2
Member Laureate

since 2011-02-06

Posts 16975
South Louisiana

2 posted 2014-10-29 08:09 AM

Eh, life is full of hurts it seems Gale. Thank you for stopping by.

If they give you ruled paper write sideways.

Marchmadness
Member Rara Avis

since 2007-09-16

Posts 9271
So. El Monte, California

3 posted 2014-10-29 11:53 AM

I don't know that everyone should be forgiven and to pretend to forgive them accomplishes nothing. I think I would just forget about them as much as possible and move. Probably don't fit the mold. Just my opinion.
Ida

JerryPat2
Member Laureate

since 2011-02-06

Posts 16975
South Louisiana

4 posted 2014-10-29 11:59 AM

Oh, it fit the mold, Ida, big time. She is deceased now, I could did not shed a single tear for her. She was my mother. (adopted)

If they give you ruled paper write sideways.

Lori Grosser Rhoden
Member Patricius

since 2009-10-10

Posts 10202
Fair to middlin' of nowhere

5 posted 2014-10-29 02:57 PM

Jerry,
Keep in mind forgivness is for the forgiver not the forgivee. It benefits you not her. It in no way condones one iota of hurt she caused you. Forgivness is about letting YOU move past something. Not forgetting it but not letting it rule your thoughts either. You deserve to forgive her for your sake, not hers.

Lori

JerryPat2
Member Laureate

since 2011-02-06

Posts 16975
South Louisiana

6 posted 2014-10-29 03:04 PM

I just can't honestly do it.

If they give you ruled paper write sideways.

[This message has been edited by JerryPat2 (10-29-2014 05:55 PM).]

EmmaRose
Senior Member

since 2011-03-02

Posts 1376
Midwest

7 posted 2014-11-01 08:27 AM

I understand totally
not going to be preachy about it
it's your choice, you lived it, no one else

JerryPat2
Member Laureate

since 2011-02-06

Posts 16975
South Louisiana

8 posted 2014-11-01 08:33 AM

Yeah you're right, Emma, thanks.

If they give you ruled paper write sideways.

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