The Dangers of Food for the hysterical, uncontrolable, maniacal laughter of Katahdin

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Daddy Goose38
Member

since 2010-09-04

Posts 430
obama's a rice paper tiger

0 posted 2012-05-04 09:28 AM

The Dangers of Food

The following program contains material some vewers may find disturbing.

Tonight! …
On Frontline!
The Dangers of Food (sequel to The S T D of Life)

Don’t eat food.
If you have to eat,
Eat something else besides food.
What? … you mean you haven’t eaten wallpaper?
So how do you know it won’t work?

That’s because eating food will kill you.
Everyone who has eaten food has died.
All who are eating food right now are going to die.
Why, there isn’t a dead person alive who wouldn’t tell you, between bites,
That they ate food before they died.
This proves that food causes death.
This in turn means that if you eat food
You are going to die.
Food harbors the deadly bacterium Sopas Proteinas riquisimas.
Some try to object by saying food does not cause death,
That they have been eating and eating
Yet are still alive.
But they are wrong!
because food is so bad even if it is not eaten,
Food will still kill you
Even when it is in the grocery store.

Here are some disturbing facts about food:
Food is the most powerfully addictive substance known to man,
It is also the Most addictive substance known to to teenagers,
particularly rings and fries.
The neighborhood pushers of food are called restaurants.
And the local dealers of food are called grocery stores.
It is common for young kids (and old goats)
To get mixed up in petty crime and food dealing.
Food is usually ingested by mouth which is very bad.
Many addicts dangerously share dirty spoons used by others
Who in turn got them from others used.
Here is a ghastly video of a food addict in the street,
Or maybe in a restaurant.

Pizza is an especially deadly form of food,
Particularly if it has onions, which is poison!
Food causes tooth decay and heart disease and fatness.
Food causes measles, the mumps, the grumps, the lumps, the thumps and even the bumps.
In fact, food causes all diseases and illnesses.
Billions of people are addicted to food all over the world,
Not just because people are all over the world,
But because food is also all over the world as well.
The eating of food can cause secondary illnessis
Because it severely weakens the immune system.
For instance, children can get the munchies,
And typically will try to get rid of the munchies by eating food.
Uncontroled Episodes of the munchies,
Can cause people to raid refrigerators and supermarkets.
The urge to obtain food is so powerful
That people have been known to rob banks for money to buy it.
And all these billions addicted to food,
They are all going to die!
Food is a massive, munlti-trillion dollar industry.
The food industry employs millions of people
in the production, distribution and sale of food
to billions of hungry addicts who have been brainwashed
to think they cannot live without food.
The government is in the pockets of the giant food industry.
Or the food industry is in the pockets of the government, for instance,
The coffee lobby handles receptions for politicians.
The potato chip lobby arranges parties
To buy their votes for key legislation.
The peanut butter lobby serves them sandwiches on Sundays.
The powerful popcorn lobs shows them
Exclusive screenings of new movies,
In conjunction with the equally powerful hot dog lobby.
Papa John and herman Cain
Are in charge of the devastatingly effective pizza lobby.
The greedy pizza interests want you to keep eating,
Because they know if they can get you
Eating and eating pizza you will die.
The greedy pizza interests make stinking profits
While making you eat poisonous pizza.
The purveyors of pizza care about profits, not people.

But, as will be shown below, there is now hope
For all who are hopelessly addicted to food;
There is hope for a happy life without eating food.
It was reported that some woman,
Immolating some Indian guru,
Decided to stop eating and just live on sunshine.
The story said the woman starved to death.
This is an example of the propaganda
And lies put out by the food industry,
So one must be suspicious and skeptical
Of everything the food industry says, especially on television,
Because the last thing they want you to do
Is to keep eating and eating.
The other day, on a talk show,
They had a guy who said that he did not eat,
So he did not have to bother with any diets.
He was plugging his book of how he discovered
He didn’t need food to stay alive.
He said he got his energy from the air.
He said the worst thing about getting off food, which they call cold turkey,
Were the pangs and withdrawal reactions.
He said he only ate socially
Going out to restaurants with his friends;
But he only ate for his friends, just socially.
He didn’t need it
He just ate socially, just socially.
He gave advice what a food addict can do
When, for instance they drive by a Burger King sign.
He said just stay calm and keep driving.
You might think having just one bight couldn’t hurt you,
But as soon as you take just one bight,
You will uncontrollably keep eating and eating
And you will fall off the wagon again.
Or maybe fall off the table.
I have to stop now I’m hungry.

Lori the goose girl

Daddy Goose38
Member

since 2010-09-04

Posts 430
obama's a rice paper tiger

1 posted 2012-05-04 04:50 PM

If you have complaints about this poem, send them to sunshine. No send them to balladeer. He goes to the same shrink I do, that's at five on the fifth Friday in February.

katahdin
Senior Member

since 2010-07-01

Posts 1196
ME. In the Shadow of the Mt.

2 posted 2012-05-05 12:59 PM

LOL! DG, I loved the last line!
Anyway I'm a goner because I'm addicted to food.
Kat >^..^<

ethome
Member Patricius

since 2000-05-14

Posts 11858
New Brunswick Canada

3 posted 2012-05-05 09:05 AM

I know what you mean.

I stopped eating 20 minutes ago and I feel better already.
I think I'll stop eating several hours everyday and slowly work myself off the stuff.
As you get older they say it's easier.

Thanks for the great advice! I never would have looked at it that way.

Yours Truly
Grey haired old fat guy.

true love never looks after it's own interests

Bob K
Member Elite

since 2007-11-03

Posts 4208

4 posted 2012-05-06 02:53 AM

     The air and water folks are the same way.

     And milk is a more predictable gateway drug to opiate addiction than marijuana,  100% of all addicts are knows air breathers and water drinkers.  The only logical course of action is to jail all air breathers and water drinkers before they start to inject mozzarella between their toes.

     It may be too late to save the eaters.

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