Poem: Field Mouse - pipTalk Forums

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jjbreunig3
Member

since 2009-07-29

Posts 423
Maine, USA

0 posted 2012-04-02 08:42 AM

The poetry group I lead (in Biddeford, ME) decided to have a writing assignment for a previous gathering; so I'm looking for some constructive criticism; the topic chosen was: Mouse / Mice

Field Mouse

An unsuspecting, little, field mouse
committed a simple mistake one day;
it unwittingly entered my rented house,
not knowing my cats wanted to play.

My feline buddies, Hijinx and Mischief,
decided to live up to their spirited names;
sadly, the field mouse was offered no relief –
for the boys had a live prize to claim.

By its tail, my cats had live entertainment;
although they’re allowed to have their fun,
from this one deed, my cats will never repent;
for they again had disobeyed - rule number one.

Since their English is not very good,
their one restriction they tend to forget;
so it’s not surprising they misunderstood,
my rule of: “Pets are not allowed to have pets!”

So now it was time for me to intervene;
performing an unexpected “Animal Rescue”,
I now became a mouse catching machine
and watched him scamper away from my view.

A new retrieval approach, I had to posit;
with the boys closely monitoring my work,
I quickly chased him into a nearby closet,
hoping my cats wouldn’t impatiently go berserk.

Removing items from the closet’s floor,
and contending with this fuzzy foreigner,
I eyed the boys – to keep him from being gored.
Eventually, I trapped him in the corner.

By the time I reached him, he had died –
traumatized until his last heart’s rush.
Unlike my curious pets, I became teary eyed,
as this escapade ended… with a toilet’s flush.

P.S. This based on a real event, that occurred when I was renting a small home in New Jersey.

-Joe Breunig
January/February 2012

Logic, when applied to people, fails miserably! --Joseph J. Breunig 3rd

jwesley
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-04-30

Posts 7563
Spring, Texas

1 posted 2012-04-02 09:15 AM

Nice story, my friend. Enjoyed the read.

j.

JL
Member Ascendant

since 2004-04-01

Posts 6128
Texas, USA

2 posted 2012-04-02 09:46 AM

Maybe your title should be “Rescue”.
Enjoyed the tale, no pun intended, very easy
to follow the very descriptive wording, the phrasing
made it easy to visualize the event.

JL

Love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul,and with all your mind. Love your neighbor as yourself.
Maranatha!

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