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| Open Poetry #48 |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced 
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I am in much pain, broken down and near the end. And no one can help.  |
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| © Copyright 2012 Dixie Lee Bullington - All Rights Reserved | |||
Alison 
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
Dixie, There is help and I think that you are reaching out for it right now. Did you know that there are more suicides in this country than homicides? I just heard a brief lecture on suicide the other day. But, it's not about stats. It's about you. Suicide is in Alaska is among the highest in the nation. My boss sitll talks about his brother who committed suicide decades ago. His eyes well up. He wishes he had known so he could have helped. He carries a burden of guilt and sorrow so many years later. But, mostly, Dixie, he misses his brother. You are loved and you love. I read it in your poetry and I see it in the pictures that you post of your family. There is help. Please reach out and grab it. You have made an impact upon my life and you have so much to give others. So much that is beautiful and smart in you. Know you are loved and please do what you have to do to get through this .. alive. I love you. Alison |
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icebox Member Elite
since 2003-05-03
Posts 4383in the shadows |
There is no need to hurry child. Death waits for us all. I wish you peace. |
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latearrival Member Ascendant
since 2003-03-21
Posts 5499Florida |
Dixie,You have evidently forgotten that YOU ARE LOVED.... for your daughter's and your grandchild please do all you can to get help for yourself.You are important to your family and friends. As the mother of a beautiful,intelligent young woman who took your path,I can tell you that death affected her whole family and her young son. After her death I had two of my other children tell me that wanted to do the same.She was loved but could never seem to feel it. Please think deeply about this and e-mail me if you want Love to you,jo |
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JerryPat2 Member Laureate
since 2011-02-06
Posts 16975South Louisiana |
I can only reiterate what everyone else has said,my friend. I fought what you are fighting many years ago. I know what you are going through. Stop. You must not give in to the pressure you are under. And you are wrong, someone can help. Go to them. talk. Cry. Talk. ~*~ Death is a common weed: requires no rain. ~*~ |
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secondhanddreampoet Member Ascendant
since 2006-11-07
Posts 6394a 'Universalist' ! |
The loss of any one of us diminishes us all! The poets of 'P.I.P.-land' by the cyber-sea need you ... those closest to you most certainly need you ... even 'the world' needs you just by the v. important difference you can make one poem, one person, one moment at a time. I have been battling depression, depersonalization, derealization for most of my life so I truly know what you are going through. |
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ebonygirl Member Elite
since 2011-07-14
Posts 2000California U.S.A |
Hi Ms. Dixie, I've read your poems for many months, they are heartfelt with love for members of your family as well as being introspective. I do enjoy them and the photographs. I don't know the feelings you are experiencing now but I do know that no matter what we think or feel, we are here, on this earth to serve a purpose. This purpose may be to stand still to admire what goes on around us, or to be, for someone who will need a hug, a kiss, a smile, a good word. You are love, as everyone has said, this love shines in your poetry. Call on your many friends here. I pray that you be surrounded by Angels everyday to help you live in peace and comfort. Your friend too, Ms. E. |
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jwesley Member Rara Avis
since 2000-04-30
Posts 7563Spring, Texas |
My friend. I'm kind of callus when it comes to people killing themselves - I have such a profound respect and awesome regard for the wonder of life that I can't conceive (except in the direst of medical circumstances) how ANYONE can purposely remove themselves from the love of everyone around them, and I mean that around in big, broad terms to include their family, friends, acquaintances, ANYONE!, distant or close. Life revolves around life, and the diminishing of one deeply diminishes all! My candor is based upon a number of attempted or completed self-inflicted deaths or serious attempts, including that of my own mother who thankfully is still here 30 years later, that affected me personally. I can't stop you from destroying the preciousness of your life, and eradicating it from all who love, like, respect, enjoy or just know you; and don't think it doesn't also affect those who could care less about you, because, like a stone thrown into a pond, the ripple it causes is felt by everyone one and everything!. I can only give you my prayers, and wish you luck, and selfishly hope I never have to think of you as Past, until I myself am gone. My heart, my friend . . . as always. jimmy |
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JL Member Ascendant
since 2004-04-01
Posts 6128Texas, USA |
Of course someone can help. That is what we do, we help. We are fellow humans, I know sometimes we act like aliens from mars... But we're not. You are loved, yep, you are. Doesn't matter where you've been what you've done, nope, it doesn't. But it does take you realizing a few facts: You must reciprocate You must accept the love without disbelief. You must live your life to the absolute fullest with a spirit of love for others... If you can love others, you can love you. JL  Love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul,and with all your mind. Love your neighbor as yourself. |
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garysgirl
since 2002-09-29
Posts 19237Florida, USA |
Hi Dixie. I am so glad I saw YOU when I came on here just now. Sweetie, when I can't come around, for some reason or other, you, my friend, are one of the ones I miss seeing here. It would be terrible for me if I came here and found out that you are no longer around! Dixie, even though I don't know the circumstances you are going through right now, I do know the hurt and misery that depression brings. I hope and pray that the trail you are walking gets brighter very, very soon. I consider you my friend, Dixie, and I love you..... |
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ThisDiamond Member Rara Avis
since 2002-02-22
Posts 9353Michigan, USA |
Hugs and prayers Dixie Gal. |
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Margherita Member Seraphic
since 2003-02-08
Posts 22236Eternity |
Dear ((((((((Dixie)))))))), have not seen this before, but as this is the day of renewal and new beginnings, I trust that divine blessings are showering you abundantly and that by now you are out of pain and ready to live again. Let us know please. You see you have been saved in time and this is a sign that you are meant to live and love. Great dispair comes upon almost every human being along his/her life, and sometimes the desire to not be is overwhelming, but we need to remember that in no moment we are alone. Sending you much love and big hugs. Margherita  |
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Alison
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
Thinking of you! xoxoxo a A |
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katahdin Senior Member
since 2010-07-01
Posts 1196ME. In the Shadow of the Mt. |
Dixie, don't give up! You are loved more than you know. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Kat >^..^< |
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JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
Have you talked to your family members...this not only involves you it affects everyone around you that loves you or is a friend or acquaintance...take the time to talk to your family, your loved ones, your friends, your pastor, your doctor, reach out to them and let them reach for you...James |
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Alison
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
How are you, Dixie. xoxoox A |
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ethome Member Patricius
since 2000-05-14
Posts 11858New Brunswick Canada |
Ah Dixie too bad the only answer you believe in is so final. It won't really accomplish a thing in the long run. Some people will be truly sad of course. You will hurt others deeply. However, as time passes you will be a sad memory that comes up only once in a while compared to being known as one who faced the problems and sought the proper help. I hear people talk about fighters like that and marvel how they came back around, accepted professional help, took the proper drugs needed and were treated with the greatest respect after the battle. I mean the greatest respect. You are loved and you know that, but you need more than that right now. Despite all the things you have already tried don't give up and try others. I've read your poetry and I know you have a tender heart and compassion. The mind is an organ like many others in the body and sometimes it needs some extra help to repair it. You can do it because millions have. Take care love ya. Eric true love never looks after it's own interests |
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2islander2 Member Ascendant
since 2008-03-12
Posts 6825by the sea |
hi dixie, send you an invitation to visit france , love you, kisses yann |
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Startime1955 Senior Member
since 2012-04-22
Posts 1072Alberta, Canada |
Oh Dixie...I cried for you as I read your poem and cried again reading the many responses of love sent out to you...I was in a hard place in Nov passed and I believed there was no one who cared...I decided to reach out and was amazed at the love and support that encircled me...reach out, Dixie, because you are more loved than you really know...*HUGS* *may our dreams ever be magical* |
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ethome Member Patricius
since 2000-05-14
Posts 11858New Brunswick Canada |
Dixie You are a very special divine gift we all are and should consider ourselves privileged to be in the experience of life. Click this or copy and paste into your browser and just take a few minutes to consider it. http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=fKyljukBE70 Take care Eric true love never looks after it's own interests |
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miscellanea Member Elite
since 2004-06-24
Posts 4060OH |
You can't quit, Dixie. Your job here isn't done. You were one of my very special friends when I felt my life wasn't worth it. (I accidently put our family's very much loved dog in the car in the summer so it wouldn't get kicked by the cows when we had to chase cattle. When I got back it was too late...) I hated myself for months for being so careless and stupid. It was you, and a few other special people at Piptalk that brought me back. I love you, Dixie. See, you didn't even know I was contemplating..., but your lovely heart helped my healing. I am so grateful to you. Your job is not done here, Miss Dixie. You hear? Love and hugs, Cathy (Sadie) |
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JerryPat2 Member Laureate
since 2011-02-06
Posts 16975South Louisiana |
How long will you carry this on? Enough is enough. You are crying wolf now. This is all so much b.s. |
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Juju Member Elite
since 2003-12-29
Posts 3429In your dreams |
Satan doesn't deserve the satisfaction. I know you love your family and you don't want to cause them harm. Despair can make you lose focus and cut ties. I don't understand why you feel this way, but I do know despair. It's a terrible feeling. But somewhere in myself when I felt despair, it was because I was afraid of losing something. perhaps it was fear of losing my dreams or fear or time I wasted or lost. I will keep you in my prayers. Juju -Juju |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
Hello friends. It is quite amazing to come here and find this still on the first page. I have not been here since I posted it. I have been working on recovery and I have not taken a drink since I got out of the hospital. It is hard and any one of you who has had an addiction surely knows how impossible it seems at times. I figured this post would be long gone on the rear pages of Open #48 and ya'll would've started on #49 by now. It warms my heart to read the replies, other than Jerry's opinion that it is B.S. which I am assuming comes from some frustration over my unintentional lack of response. I was not here much before this incident and I still am not. I don't know if I will ever be here like I once was. It is just lack of motivation/inspiration or being busy with other things, family problems, parents that need more care than they used to...etc. I have stopped drinking, gotten more social, started church, talked with others suffering as I am, Spring is here and the garden is alive, and I have recently taken up snake hunting. That's good for the soul. I am playing piano again too. I am trying natural anti-depressants. So, I'm here, I'm doing okay, and I'm sorry I did not realize that people would still be reading me after almost 2 months. Forgive my absence, as I just got to the point that I didn't care about anything...and nothing really mattered to me in that time. Then I got busy taking care of me...selfish as that was. Thank you all. I'll be in here more, hopefully at least a couple times a week. [This message has been edited by passing shadows (05-20-2012 11:33 PM).] |
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latearrival Member Ascendant
since 2003-03-21
Posts 5499Florida |
Dixie,taking care of yourself is not a bit selfish. It is what needs to be done if you ever want to be the person you are deep inside and the mother and grandmother your family needs to know. Carry on and take care of yourself. best to you, jo |
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ebonygirl Member Elite
since 2011-07-14
Posts 2000California U.S.A |
So glad to read that you are doing well! Ms. E |
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ethome Member Patricius
since 2000-05-14
Posts 11858New Brunswick Canada |
Dixie I've been through all of the same when it comes to alcohol. Keep up your progress you'll never regret it. After a while with complete abstinence your "nondrinking mind will become stronger than your drinking mind," believe me I know for a FACT! Play that piano and enjoy the peace that comes from it. I wish you the best I really do. Eric true love never looks after it's own interests |
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nakdthoughts Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200Between the Lines |
just stay strong, Dixie. It will be worth it in the end ( take it from someone who had to deal with it, as you know.) I am glad to hear you are doing better.  M |
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secondhanddreampoet Member Ascendant
since 2006-11-07
Posts 6394a 'Universalist' ! |
glad to hear, of course, ... that it sounds as if things are improving for you, Dixie ! |
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