Ain't it a Crime - pipTalk Forums

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

bel1e
Senior Member

since 2006-07-24

Posts 1631

0 posted 2012-03-15 04:35 PM

It's Tuesday
and there is nothing to resist in the landscape,
all the gray winter long we sally the pear orchard, the birch branches,

streak the icy river with reflection,
as if to barricade the current, over and over
the yellowhammer's song slips the thick gorse bush,

a path of blanched grain splints in the errant sun,

and here, you brand our dream's insomnia
upon my inner forearm, at my elbow,
a pothole moment in which a burr in the fetlock of my carriage horse
gnarled deep into ligament,
and was cut away by the driver's ripe blade,

over and over, love reigned the wildflower into thorn,
translated the taste of tar for this kiss you drew,
out of its stupor, still our damp whispers spread
through the treble of sleeplessness,

the flower in our hand darkens
and from its center, nectar floods its silver venom,
oblivious, the stamen draws down into dusk,
into blue, unruly blue,

O fragment,
what crocus dreams you?

Once, you said, the sky was all Summer's breath, yet
elsewhere, I hear collapse the sigh, the sternum aquiver,

I dream you are still alive,
miracles do not occur but by the light,
as whole erasures of air retreat at random,

and again, again, memory,
you cheat, you faithless thief,

what have you done?

JerryPat2
Member Laureate

since 2011-02-06

Posts 16975
South Louisiana

1 posted 2012-03-15 04:58 PM

"as whole erasures of air retreat at random," . . . My favorite line.

Your phrases and lines,as always, shoot right over my head, but in this piece I see the grit of the poem. I think. To dream of lost love or even to lost memories of that love is tragic. The last eight lines of this poem is heartbreaking, Baby Girl. Nice work . . .

~*~ If they give you lined paper, write sideways. ~*~

bel1e
Senior Member

since 2006-07-24

Posts 1631

2 posted 2012-03-15 06:28 PM

Hey Mr. Pat~

(((thank you))) and yes...you are right on target with your interpretation...there is a very deep loss in the vein of this poem...turn mantra...turn prayer...it's all I got...and it is a pure thrill for me to be able to write something that creates a ghost-thought...or emotion in my reader...thanks for being open to it~*~

~love & light~

JerryPat2
Member Laureate

since 2011-02-06

Posts 16975
South Louisiana

3 posted 2012-03-15 07:13 PM

Thanks, Baby Girl, I'm so happy I was on the right track. I forgot to say I love the pic. Very nice.

~*~ If they give you lined paper, write sideways. ~*~

bel1e
Senior Member

since 2006-07-24

Posts 1631

4 posted 2012-03-15 08:17 PM

Thanks again~*~*~Mr. Pat~*~*

XOXO

katahdin
Senior Member

since 2010-07-01

Posts 1196
ME. In the Shadow of the Mt.

5 posted 2012-03-16 02:00 AM

Nicely done!
Kat >^..^<

JL
Member Ascendant

since 2004-04-01

Posts 6128
Texas, USA

6 posted 2012-03-16 05:03 AM

“gray winter long we sally the pear orchard, the birch branches”

“yellowhammer's song slips the thick gorse bush”

“and here, you brand our dream's insomnia”

“I dream you are still alive,
miracles do not occur but by the light,
as whole erasures of air retreat at random,

and again, again, memory,
you cheat, you faithless thief,

what have you done?”

And then you select the crocus for the ultimate expression:
“Showy, solitary flower first to bloom in the spring.”

Wow, what a vision you have penned in this write,
you capture your reader with color, sound, memories.
Then surprise them at your closing with a smack of reality.

I stretched my arms out in front of me, put my thumbs together,
Raised my index fingers on both hands and watched the scene unfold.

You never cease to amaze. Another beautiful write.
Unique talented poet!!
JL

Love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul,and with all your mind. Love your neighbor as yourself.
Maranatha!

bel1e
Senior Member

since 2006-07-24

Posts 1631

7 posted 2012-03-16 05:48 AM

Thanks, Kat!

bel1e
Senior Member

since 2006-07-24

Posts 1631

8 posted 2012-03-16 05:49 AM

JL~

Thank you for the beautiful, encouraging reply

xoxo

ice
Member Elite

since 2003-05-17

Posts 3404
Pennsylvania

9 posted 2012-03-16 06:02 AM

The poem is a wonderful example of how language can prove or disprove a point of view,
At the same time, according to the readers mood.

I find that to be attractive, sometimes, on many different levels.

A sort of pataphysical explanation of a theme, through the use of odd terms, and phrases,
beyond normal metaphor.

It describes a scene with metaphysical lineaments, but goes beyond that, in its use of words
that give plausible, though imaginary solutions, that might solve problems in an a parallel universe--
One with a different set of laws regarding emotional physics.

What I am saying here is that I like how each of your words has a touchable face,
Especially the ones wearing thick makeup, on the frown side of a theatrical mask.

bel1e
Senior Member

since 2006-07-24

Posts 1631

10 posted 2012-03-16 07:33 AM

icy~~~

once again...you leave me...quite speechless....but I will babble on anyway...

quote:
The poem is a wonderful example of how language can prove or disprove a point of view,
At the same time, according to the readers mood.

I find that to be attractive, sometimes, on many different levels.

why, thank you, dear friend

quote:
It describes a scene with metaphysical lineaments, but goes beyond that, in its use of words
that give plausible, though imaginary solutions, that might solve problems in an a parallel universe--
One with a different set of laws regarding emotional physics.

wow. pegged to the wall here...I think my slip is showing...!!! You've no idea the fascination I have with quantum theory and my drive to tie it into my writing...damn those deep and quick wolf eyes...LOL

quote:
What I am saying here is that I like how each of your words has a touchable face,
Especially the ones wearing thick makeup, on the frown side of a theatrical mask.

damn again...& thank you for the stunning reply, icy~*~*~*~

XOXO

soul drifter
Senior Member

since 2004-09-08

Posts 711
Colorado

11 posted 2012-03-16 09:33 AM

Ooh, absolutely beautiful, but hell, your stuff always is that way. Keeping this. Rock on with yo bad self!

So glad winter is gone!

bel1e
Senior Member

since 2006-07-24

Posts 1631

12 posted 2012-03-16 10:51 AM

(((Thank you, soul drifter)))~

JamesMichael
Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-16

Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA

13 posted 2012-03-17 07:54 PM

Nice...James

bel1e
Senior Member

since 2006-07-24

Posts 1631

14 posted 2012-03-17 08:26 PM

Thanks, James~*~*~

suthern

Member Seraphic

since 1999-07-29

Posts 20723
Louisiana

15 posted 2012-03-19 03:05 PM

I dream you are still alive,
miracles do not occur but by the light,
as whole erasures of air retreat at random,

and again, again, memory,
you cheat, you faithless thief,

Your beautiful images weave a web that draws me in and leaves me feeling the ache... Great write!

bel1e
Senior Member

since 2006-07-24

Posts 1631

16 posted 2012-03-19 03:18 PM

thanks so much, dear Suthern!

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.