Open Poetry #48 |
Nature, Love, and Spring |
secondhanddreampoet Member Ascendant
since 2006-11-07
Posts 6394a 'Universalist' ! |
Nature, Love, and Spring Cadent cloud legions of alternate grey-blue and salmon-burgundy march through a deep sunset sky over these ancient ‘endless’ hills, forests, and pristine waters, like a dreams within a dream of all the soft-ephemeral penultimate beauty that nature, love and Spring could ever be. ---b. e. adams (6/4/2013) |
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© Copyright 2013 Bruce E. Adams Jr. - All Rights Reserved | |||
Alison
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
Thank you for sharing and showing, Bruce. Lovely. A |
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olson29 New Member
since 2013-06-06
Posts 1 |
Hi B.E. Just joined, hope you don't mind me posting here. Perhaps you might want to omit "deep' in line 4, it seems unnecessary with all the other adjectives and this may enhance the sound and feel of the image. Also omit "these' line 6 Maybe if you show us ancient or pristine or the other adjectives a little more often it will match the poignant experience you're having for the reader. Perhaps that will be more effective. Like the idea of dreams within a dream. Hope that helps. O |
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secondhanddreampoet Member Ascendant
since 2006-11-07
Posts 6394a 'Universalist' ! |
this particular 'poetic scribble' was a direct impression of the evening sunset from the night before. The sky seemed to go on forever toward an immeasurably distant sunset vanishing point ... 'deep' remains necessary for a accurate 'word painting' of this particular onset of twilight. I had never seen a sky quite like that particular one before. |
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