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CastleGuard
Senior Member

since 2003-04-30

Posts 760
Alberta, Canada

0 posted 2012-12-31 02:22 AM

In thine own eyes my pleas of love reflect,
And same to mine admit an equal gleam -
Yet thy lips shall the course of mine deflect
And false words shall fall to an empty dream.
Thus are thy lips at odds thine eyes convey
And I stand torn betwixt the word and sight,
Forever seeking one the false betray --
But thy countenance in a cryptic night
Is veiled; I have no learning to decode
Within thy heart the origin and source.
Then, my love, I beg - end this torturous road
And plain reveal thine true intent and course:
I shall declare to bear in equal trade
Either sentence of thy kiss or thy blade.

CG

Ethern
Member

since 2010-07-01

Posts 150
on a plane

1 posted 2012-12-31 06:08 AM

so, CG, do you encourage Constructive Critiques?

Victoria

Member Ascendant

since 2000-08-12

Posts 5869

2 posted 2012-12-31 09:04 AM

You put alot of effort into your poem... I know because I love Shakespearean poems and they drive me crazy writing them. Great meter too, and like the title. Happy New Year to you.

~Victoria

Life is a great big canvas-Throw all the paint on it you can.
-- Danny Kaye

BluesSerenade
Member Patricius

since 2001-10-23

Posts 10549
By the Seaside

3 posted 2012-12-31 01:36 PM

I love this style of writing on you, it ties in with the castle and the guard,
and takes me to another place in time.

Nicely done, CG~

Nikola
Junior Member

since 2012-12-25

Posts 15

4 posted 2012-12-31 04:34 PM

Wonderful. The last line was particularly memorable.

katahdin
Senior Member

since 2010-07-01

Posts 1196
ME. In the Shadow of the Mt.

5 posted 2013-01-01 01:20 AM

Loved it! I like this style of writing which I find challenging but wonderful when done right.
Kat >^..^<

jwesley
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-04-30

Posts 7563
Spring, Texas

6 posted 2013-01-01 05:02 PM

Nice, my friend. Always a style enjoyed by me as is - I find it a grand way of expression, and far from needing any kind of style perfection.

j.

CastleGuard
Senior Member

since 2003-04-30

Posts 760
Alberta, Canada

7 posted 2013-01-02 03:13 AM

Ethern - I am open to any valid and supported criticism.

Victoria - thank you for stopping by and reading. I can appreciate your concern with writing sonnets, but gets easier the more you write (as with any form). I love the challenge of the meter and rhyme, that is what makes it fun and enjoyable (for me, anyway lol).

BluesSerenade - thank you, I love writing sonnets, they are my favorite poetic form.

Nikola - thank you, and I do try to make the closing couplet more....um...cutting, where possible lol.

Kat - yes it is challenging but fun, thank you.

j - yes, a classic poetic style, perhaps not appreciated as much as it should be nowdays, but that's only my biased opinion - thank you for stopping by and your kind words.

Happy New Year to everyone!!

CG

JamesMichael
Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-16

Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA

8 posted 2013-01-09 08:24 PM

Nice...James

ThisDiamond
Member Rara Avis

since 2002-02-22

Posts 9353
Michigan, USA

9 posted 2013-01-10 03:23 PM

Enjoyed your style and flair for the classic. Reminds me a bit of the Magnus from days before. A treat! TD

CastleGuard
Senior Member

since 2003-04-30

Posts 760
Alberta, Canada

10 posted 2013-01-11 02:11 AM

James - thank you.

TD - nice to see you drop in and thank you for commenting. Magnus, oh yes, I really liked his style of poetry.

CG

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