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Open Poetry #46
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Junior Member
since 2010-10-22
Posts 20
Michigan, USA

0 posted 2010-12-28 03:31 PM

This is a country song... incase you didn't figure it out haha comment!

We met on the hills at sunset
Over in east Tennessee
He was working a farm in the summer
I was visiting family

We shared stories from our life
When we met every evening
Under that old oak tree
It felt like a new beginning

The rain was starting when he looked at me
His eyes shining bright
He reached over and took my hand
On a starless summer night

Oh a starless summer night
Was where I found my first love
Fingers running through wet hair
While clouds are rumbling above
The rain falling down hard
Dripping through the wet leaves
Upon us, under that
Old oak tree

Summer was coming to an end
I couldn’t stand the thought
We met one day
Said he was thinking a lot

I looked into his eyes
And feared what was coming ahead
I kept thinking of the worse
And filling up with dread

He took my hands
And with a lightning strike
He broke my heart
In a starless summer night

Oh a starless summer night
I stopped believing in love
He kissed me one last time
With the storm raging above
The rain falling down hard
Over where he left me
Oh they hid the tears
Under that
Old oak tree

© Copyright 2010 Reagen Brady - All Rights Reserved
Senior Member
since 2010-10-30
Posts 1991
1 posted 2010-12-28 03:35 PM

For someone only fourteen you have a lot of life in front of you, but you already understand about love, desire and pain. I am not a writer of song, so I can;t constructively critique this. As I read it, however, I tried to put it to a tune in my head and it worked out just fine the way it is. There are songwriters here of course, maybe they'll be more forthcoming with the critique. I enjoyed it.

To mimic is a form of praise unless
you have no thoughts of your own

Dark Stranger
Member Patricius
since 2001-03-19
Posts 13631
West Coast
2 posted 2010-12-28 04:00 PM

enjoyed it ms reb! are well beyond least your boots are.
Senior Member
since 2008-06-19
Posts 1435
3 posted 2010-12-28 08:39 PM

This is exquisite, and like Dark Stranger says, it betrays your mental and emotional maturity as being something more than 14. It's awesome to find a teen female who doesn't write in a typical "girly" way. Bravo and keep them coming!


Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
4 posted 2010-12-28 09:04 PM you continue working on your songs, you will grow into your passions...but as some of them have already said, you've always got old boots.

My brother's songs always had a bridge. You might want to consider that, as well. Overall? You're on a great start, and I truly wish you all the best.

What do you play? Guitar? Piano?

since 2010-12-16
Posts 74

5 posted 2010-12-29 08:45 AM

Your song is lovely and touching...

When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile... :D

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