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Open Poetry #46
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Portrait of a Girl in the Rain
| Open Poetry #46 |
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Portrait of a Girl in the Rain |
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soul drifter Senior Member
since 2004-09-08
Posts 711Colorado |
Portrait of a Girl in the Rain Portrait of a girl in the rain thinking about anything but me portrait of a boy gone insane hoping for her blue eyes to be crawling all around my face take me away to a better place keep me sacred leaves me naked and oh so awake Thumbnail of a love on a pillow left weathered there and alone staring through her soul's windows blue moons light up this friendzone and stupid me, trying to be more to her, trying to find lovezone's door looking forever never say never oh yeah potential lover And when the ink's dried and the gypsies have lied will you still be here, sighing, "at least we tried" well, when the night has faded from the screen open up to a brand-new technicolor scene in which the damsel saves my ass and all these promises will come to pass they must come at last Portrait of a girl in the rain sinking in her darkest reverie painting of a red lingering pain unfinished in the blue eyes of me caressing her lovely face let's go away to that better place leave me sacred keep me naked and oh oh so awake And now I'm dreaming the angels hide their wings and you're still here, my soft rainy day queen well, now the day is rising within my eyes opened up like wounds and futile tries gotta make these moments last and all these promises should come to pass I know they will come at last Awake. Potential lover, oh yeah never say it's over or I will be a perfect picture in heartbreak Is this heaven or... or is it just a beautiful mistake? "And all the world is football-shaped, |
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| © Copyright 2010 Zach Hilgefort - All Rights Reserved | |||
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easy1 Senior Member
since 2010-05-22
Posts 1209Southeastern USA |
This is not that bad at all, and there are some excellent lines here. Don't know why no other replies/comments yet... |
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ken206573 Member
since 2008-10-14
Posts 487 |
So much sweet mistakes, the poem is beautifully written.  happy holidays |
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JerryPat Senior Member
since 2010-10-30
Posts 1991Louisiana/America |
Love those beautiful mistakes. To mimic is a form of praise unless |
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XGarapanX Senior Member
since 2008-06-19
Posts 1435Antarctica |
Yes, wonderful, and some really great lines. This was the one I liked... "And when the ink's dried and the gypsies have lied will you still be here, sighing, "at least we tried" ·´~`·»Garapan«·´~`· |
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Bastet Member
since 2010-05-07
Posts 246 |
A beautiful poem with a lot of emotional content. Very well expressed. Also, very musical. |
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Margherita Member Seraphic
since 2003-02-08
Posts 22236Eternity |
Nice, captivating song. Love, Margherita |
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BluesSerenade Member Patricius
since 2001-10-23
Posts 10549By the Seaside |
And when the ink's dried and the gypsies have lied will you still be here, sighing, "at least we tried" well, when the night has faded from the screen open up to a brand-new technicolor scene ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Loving those lines, and the endless possibilities they bring to mind. Your poetry is fresh with the most wonderful flavor. Happy New Year to you~ It's just so great to read your work, soul drifter. |
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JerryPat Senior Member
since 2010-10-30
Posts 1991Louisiana/America |
Just wanted to expound on my earlier short comments after I reread this. Taken in some ways, this comes off as a pretty darn good country song. A lot of pain and suffering, and blue eyes longing, etc. The poem kept me interested because of your honest, but different;y used expressions, such as "And when the ink's dried and the gypsies have lied / will you still be here, sighing, "at least we tried" It is that kind of offbeat style that I particularly like. Good writing. To mimic is a form of praise unless you have no thoughts of your own |
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soul drifter Senior Member
since 2004-09-08
Posts 711Colorado |
Thanks so much to everyone for the comments. I kinda liked this one and I was worried this would be one my posts withe a 0 in the comment column. Groovy. Jerrypat, thanks, though I personally can't stand country music! (although, Johnny Cash is pretty cool, but then I can't imagine him doing anything like this song.) "Don't mistake paradise for a pair of long legs." -Watts, Some Kind of Wonderful |
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