Looking for God (Villanille)

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Open Poetry #46

Looking for God (Villanille)

JerryPat
Senior Member

since 2010-10-30

Posts 1991
Louisiana/America

0 posted 2010-11-07 06:04 PM

It is the iambic that I am having trouble with. Suppose I should stick to other things.

[This message has been edited by JerryPat (11-07-2010 07:34 PM).]

Martie

Moderator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-09-21

Posts 28049
California

1 posted 2010-11-07 06:17 PM

Not odd at all, Jerry. I've looked for him a time or two myself. I forgot my backpack though...maybe that's odd. Enjoyed the form...well done!

JerryPat
Senior Member

since 2010-10-30

Posts 1991
Louisiana/America

2 posted 2010-11-07 06:22 PM

I'll probably be writing more of the God poems in the future. I'm getting ready to start a novel about a man who is searching for answers.

Thank you, Martie, for reading and commenting on my poem. Be assured that it is always appreciated.

. . . and the Raven said, %!~#&(&#!$!

Balladeer

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-05

Posts 25505
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA

3 posted 2010-11-07 07:17 PM

Hey, Jerry...nice villanelle! I like the idea and you have two great repeating lines.

SInce villanelles are almost my favorite form of writing and also since you ask for critiques, the syllable counts are off in the two middle lines of the first two stanzas and there is work to do with the iambic. Get that straightened out and you'll have it smooth as silk...

...or just tell me to mind my own business and that's ok, too.

JerryPat
Senior Member

since 2010-10-30

Posts 1991
Louisiana/America

4 posted 2010-11-07 07:25 PM

Thanks, Balladeer, I appreciate it. I suppose if I attempt to write in a form at least I should know how to construct it.

. . . and the Raven said, %!~#&(&#!$!

Balladeer

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-05

Posts 25505
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA

5 posted 2010-11-07 08:15 PM

I'm sorry you deleted it, Jerry. It was a good poem with great possibilities. One doesn't overcome troublesome things by giving up. One learns how to master them.

I'll refrain from any critiques in the future.

Balladeer

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-05

Posts 25505
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA

6 posted 2010-11-07 08:30 PM

Just don't forget...you made a good effort, which is more than most of the people here would attempt. The villanelle is not always for the faint of heart

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