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Open Poetry #46

Alone

Amberzlynnc
Member

since 2010-08-24

Posts 229
New Jersey

0 posted 2010-09-27 04:42 PM

I am all alone.
You are here,
but you're not with me.

*Amber

passing shadows
Member Empyrean

since 1999-08-26

Posts 45577
displaced

1 posted 2010-09-28 02:51 AM

been there, done that

no fun

Yuka
Member

since 2010-08-19

Posts 71
china

2 posted 2010-09-28 05:32 AM

you are alone, but not lonely

Earl Brinkman
Senior Member

since 2010-03-03

Posts 1183
Osaka, Japan

3 posted 2010-10-06 07:26 AM

The subject matter is fine but for it to be a haiku it should follow a 5 - 7 - 5 syllable pattern.

Eusta B. Mae
Senior Member

since 2010-05-03

Posts 903

4 posted 2010-10-06 08:08 AM

few words speak volumes...ebm

Amberzlynnc
Member

since 2010-08-24

Posts 229
New Jersey

5 posted 2010-10-09 11:44 AM

Earl,

Thank you, but the form is actually the American version of a Haiku called a Lune

*Amber

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