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Open Poetry #46
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The Phoenix
| Open Poetry #46 |
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The Phoenix |
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The Sky is Imagination Junior Member
since 2010-07-09
Posts 25OK, US |
Burning eyes shimmer brightly like fireflies in the blackest night Coals glowing hot, burning down to remnants of the passion for living A cold wind blowing will extinguish the small flame huddled against the growing darkness Sparks flash, rekindling flames bringing forth new life The phoenix rises brilliantly from charred coal and burnt ash Its fiery wings bring comfort to the candles gathered 'round Its burning eyes shimmer brightly like fireflies in the blackest night |
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| © Copyright 2010 Adam Miller - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Adam, Welcome to Passions! There's a lot to say about the rise and fall of a Phoenix, in all its glory. Please, check your email for a Very Special Message! " It matters not this distance now " Excerpt, Yesterday's Love |
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Eldest Member
since 2010-06-15
Posts 177Alabama |
very, very descriptive and well written |
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icebox Member Elite
since 2003-05-03
Posts 4383in the shadows |
A very strong opening piece. Welcome to PiP! With my apologies: Burning eyes shimmer brightly, fireflies in blackest night. Coals glowing, burning remnants of life's passion. Cold wind snuffs small flames huddled against growing darkness. Sparks flash, new flames rekindle life. The phoenix rises brilliantly from waning coals and ash. Fiery wings bring comfort to candles gathered ‘round. Burning eyes shimmer brightly, fireflies in blackest night. |
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Lamar Cole Member
since 2009-05-01
Posts 274 |
Nice. |
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The Sky is Imagination Junior Member
since 2010-07-09
Posts 25OK, US |
@ icebox: I like the way you wrote it. It's definitely more concise and I think you used better diction than I did lol. Thanks everybody for your supportive and encouraging comments!  When I wrote this poem, I was also using the phoenix as a metaphor for the life cycle and how the older generations give life (literally and figuratively) to the younger ones. Parents work hard in various aspects of their lives to try to make this world a better place for their children. As a result, when the children come of age they have to deal with certain issues, and others have already been taken care of by their parents. Something like that. I get the feeling that what seemed obvious to me (probably because I wrote it lol) wasn't really hinted at as well as it could be. |
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