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easy1
Senior Member

since 2010-05-22

Posts 1209
Southeastern USA

0 posted 2010-06-21 03:17 AM

I bend to light the
incense, and a butterfly's
shadow disappears.

****

Jupiter risen
now, bold and bright, a diamond
tooth of the forest.

Amaryllis
Senior Member

since 2010-05-20

Posts 1306
Mi now

1 posted 2010-06-21 03:27 AM

Exquisite, easy1!
~Amaryllis

Professor Gloom
Member Elite

since 2000-07-23

Posts 3082
of Depression

2 posted 2010-06-21 05:54 AM

Incense fills the air
Like some jasmine perfume
A lady might wear.

Gloom

easy1
Senior Member

since 2010-05-22

Posts 1209
Southeastern USA

3 posted 2010-06-21 11:01 AM

Just passing by a lazy Monday, Solstice Day.

Thank you, Amaryllis, you are generous.
And Professor, I thought the traditional reply to an haiku is in tanka form?

Bastet
Member

since 2010-05-07

Posts 246

4 posted 2010-06-22 12:01 PM

Hi, Easy, and thank you for your very constructive comments on "Moon" to which I'll devote some deep contemplation. As for your haiku is concerned, I wish I had some appropriate tanka with which to respond. As a true haiku lover, I find you a true haiku master. Please post more.

Bastet
Member

since 2010-05-07

Posts 246

5 posted 2010-06-22 12:05 PM

P.S. Just found a typo in last comment. Sorry. It's meant to read: "as far as...". Also, the "butterfly's shadow" is a wonderful image.

Margherita
Member Seraphic

since 2003-02-08

Posts 22236
Eternity

6 posted 2010-06-22 05:20 AM

Magical imagery!

Love,
Margherita

Cpat Hair

Member Patricius

since 2001-06-05

Posts 11793

7 posted 2010-06-22 09:31 AM

Haiku is a lovely form... you have done well with it.

Martie

Moderator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-09-21

Posts 28049
California

8 posted 2010-06-22 10:35 AM

easy1....Enjoyed both your haiku...love the form when it is done right. Nice to read you and thanks for your reply to my poem recently.

Earl Brinkman
Senior Member

since 2010-03-03

Posts 1183
Osaka, Japan

9 posted 2010-06-22 08:22 PM

I hate to be a spoilsport here but haiku are composed of three separate clauses (depentent or independent) that can`t be split into halfs or quarters. Otherwise where would the challenge be? Please take a look at `Wet Pillows Dry in the Sun`. Japanese is such a beautiful language. As far as I know this splitting of clauses is not permitted. Permitted is the wrong word - highly unusual is better.

easy1
Senior Member

since 2010-05-22

Posts 1209
Southeastern USA

10 posted 2010-06-22 11:40 PM

A keen criticism, well-taken. My introduction to the form was in English, a book by Harold Henderson published in the 1950s, in which IIRC his translations not only conformed largely to 5-7-5, but also immaculately and skillfully rhymed! I do play loose with the clauses, yet try to save a punchline for the end, to be in the spirit of the form.

Thanks to all for your comments. P.S. Bastet, I am not sure there can be anything such as a haiku master, merely perraps more or less fortunate observers.

easy1
Senior Member

since 2010-05-22

Posts 1209
Southeastern USA

11 posted 2010-06-23 12:12 PM

I guess I should add that Henderson's translations of famous Japanese-labguage haiku were all in punctuated sentence(s) form, albeit stacked in three lines of 5-7-5 syllables. That was the "older" way of doing English haiku and it has just sort of stuck with me.

Abuse of power
is pernicious slavery.
Defend against it.

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