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Open Poetry #46
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"For Phoebe"
| Open Poetry #46 |
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"For Phoebe" |
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Arius Miura de Galdri Member
since 2007-07-04
Posts 90Michigan, USA 
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“For Phoebe” It’s time for you to rest, O broken heart And find respite from all their scathing words I wish you could have known this from the start A peace in which their insults go unheard Your troubles now are over, weary soul Though friends and family left behind must grieve A storm of cruel invectives took their toll Those fools and their insults, so naïve… Your blood is on their hands, departed child Their poisoned tongues as sharp as any knife Murderers! Their names shall be reviled Those narrow-minded fools who took your life April 23, 2010 AMdG "My candle burns at both ends; it will not last the night; but ah, my foes, and oh, my friends--it gives a lovely light!" -Edna St. Vincent Millay |
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| © Copyright 2010 Timothy Mitchal Nicholas - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Robert E. Jordan Member Rara Avis
since 2008-01-25
Posts 8541Philadelphia, Pennsylvania |
Yo Arius Miura de Galdri, This is a very sad poem, that's very well done. Life is very cruel in so many little ways. We have to do the best we can, and struggle on. Bobby |
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Andrew Scott Member Elite
since 1999-06-24
Posts 2558Redlands,CA,USA |
May peace find you and yours. "We'll chase them like rats across the tundra." |
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Marchmadness Member Rara Avis
since 2007-09-16
Posts 9271So. El Monte, California |
Bravo! thank you for speaking for Phoebe. Ida |
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Trapped - Nothing Member
since 2010-04-25
Posts 52 |
This poem is sad because of the language. The content, is nothing more than normal. You could use more metaphor to illustrative your dark point. You can also go to the extreme and make a very sad poem into a happy one but using more childish words like death toys, bleeding barbie dolls, clowny murderers from a loopy circus..decorate your emotions with illustrative words. What you have now is not enough. |
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Arius Miura de Galdri Member
since 2007-07-04
Posts 90Michigan, USA |
I appreciate everyone's input, though I'm afraid I have to respectfully disagree with Trapped - Nothing's opinions. Not every poem written has to be filled with metaphors and deep, hidden meanings. Why waste such energy when you can get the point across just as easily with simple words? What I shared here was not a piece meant to be analyzed, to be picked through for some deeper purpose, but merely a poem written in remembrance of a fifteen year old girl who was pushed to suicide by the cruelty of her peers. This is a poem for everyone, not just those who love to delve deeper into a work to find that tiny fragment of "truth" that no other reader has found yet. It is what it is, I'm afraid, only a simple piece for one who is no longer with us. AMdG "My candle burns at both ends; it will not last the night; but ah, my foes, and oh, my friends--it gives a lovely light!" -Edna St. Vincent Millay |
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